Hello all! I know it has been a long time since I have been on here! Sorry.
What's new??
Well I lost my full-time job. I moved. I was in a car accident about 3 months ago and totaled my car. So life has been a bit crazy! I still have not gotten a new car yet. I am currently looking for a replacement full time job. Hunter has been testing his limuts with me lately. I feel somewhat overwhelmed.
However, I know that there is a reason for all of this. I know that God has a brillant plan for me ahead. I am trying to take it one day at a time and go from there.
I ran into my mom a few weeks ago and it was really akward. I know thta I need to have a sit down discussion with her about everything that I am sorry for. But I still don't want to have a relationship with her because I can not handle it. One person can only handle so much and she has burnt her bridge with me toooo many times!
I guess that is about the shorest summary that I can possibly give!
One of the robbers was caught last night during a high speed car chase!!! He refuses to turn his partner in though!!! I have mixed emotions!
I am happy yet scared! What if the other guy comes and looks for me now?!?!? I don't know what to think! I get my company provided counseling this saturday from 3-4pm! I am happy to be able to have this provided for me!
I really think I need it!!!
I really need to get to bed, but I wanted to update everyone!!
Ok so some of you have mypsace and facebook and saw that I had a staus update thursday that concerned some of you!!! I just wanted to let you all know what it was about!! It really is a long story and to be completely honest I have been trying to sit down and write this entry for the past 2 days now!!! LOL! Now you see how crazy my life is! Anyhoo ..... I will just make it a long story SHORT! I was robbed at gunpoint at pagoda last Monday! VERY SCARY INDEED!!! I want to tell you all the story, really I do! But I seriously am taking time away from sleeping to be here telling you this! And that is because I love all of you and I want you all to know what is going on with me and my sometimes absences!!! I will tell you that I will NEVER forget their faces and the way I felt that day, it will FOREVER be in the back of my mind! I will never forget how it happened or anything! It is the SCARIEST thing I have EVER had to deal with!!! So Thursday I had to go to the police station to point the one out of a photo lineup! And I did just that and now I guess they just have to find the sucker. Then they can find the second guy!!! I just want them locked up FOR A VERY LONG TIME!!!!!!!! I want to tell you more of what is going on in my crazy life but I really need sleep. Next week I work 7 days (as usual) and 5 out of those seven days I work open to close (meaning 12 hour days)!!!!!!! YUK!!!!!!!!! Anyhoo ... thanks everyone for your concern and love and support!!!! Until next time....
Have you ever had a moment where you were doing something or something happened and it made you think about your life?
Made you think about how your life has had so many twists and turns?
Made you realize how much you have?
Those kind of moments make me sit back and realize that I have SO much in my life that I used to think I would NEVER have. I owe it all to one person, GOD!
He really has created a GREAT life for me! He really does take care of me too!
I used to be such a depressed, mean, evil, moody, sad, lonely & immature person!
Man oh man have I grown!
And the more I sit back and think about the past 2 years of my life and how much I have grown, I am VERY VERY proud of myself!
Call me conceded if you must! I don't care!
When I think about the routes my life has taken me and where I have come out at, I am surprised!
My life has been amazing!
It's not perfect and it never will be. And I'm ok with that!
My brother and I are doing great!
My mom has decided that she no longer wants to raise Hunter and wants to sign her full rights over!
We are both excited! Sad that it really shows how much she "truly" cares for him. But it is going to be the start of something amazing! I can just feel it!
He is still out of school! I need to call the school in the morning and find out what is going on! I need his butt in school!
I have taken it upon myself to help him with his education while he is out of school! He has trouble reading and spelling the most, so I went to dictionary.com and pulled up word of the day archives and gave him 10 words to learn!
Anyone have any ideas for math, history or science?
It shouldn't be much longer til he is back in school, but I want to keep him on track at the same time!
He has grown a lot already since he has been with me! I am so proud of him! Even though I have to stay on top of him, he is well worth the battle!
He makes me feel like a mom! I give him chores and he does them, I help him with real life situations (Something my mom NEVER did with me), I teach him about life in general (another thing my mom never did with me), I try to be there for him like a mother should be!
I am learning with him. He is on so many medications it's crazy! So we are learning together what they are for and side effects and so on!
The boy is making me change my life even more! Of course for the better ... it's helping me mature more too!
He got his first job today! He starts tomorrow! :) He'll be at the mall working, so it'll be easy for me to give him rides!
He is excited as am I!
Everything is so amazingly well! I couldn't ask for a better life!
As you can probably already tell from the info. listed above I have received temporary custody of my brother, then the battle for FULL PERMANENT custody begins!
What fun that will be!
Maybe just maybe if my brother straightens up in the 2 months I have him she will see him living with me may be the best thing for him and she will not fight me!
(Let's pray, I know it may be alot to ask, considering the type of woman she is, but hey it's worth a try)
He has been listening to me very well!
We have had appointments out the wazoo! LOL! I think that word is funny!
Children and youth services, family counselor, Probation Officer (P.O.) ... it just never ends. lol!! But he sure is worth all of it!
he is now on house arrest (electronic monitoring) for 30 days. He gets to wear the most gorgeous ankle bracelet! :)
We are moving April 1st to a 2 bed/2 bath apartment! Rent will be going up like crazy, but like I said, anything for my brother is well worth it!
I really need to go to bed, I just wanted to let you all know what was going on!
So my life has been having some CRAZY roller coaster moments!
I have been talking to this guy for about 3 months now ... nothing serious, just friends! We probably text once every 3 weeks!
We have recently started talking more. He told me how he wanted to make our friendship more serious, steady! He wants us to move to the next level!
Yet EVERYTIME I call he NEVER answers! Not a single time I have called him has he answered! NOT ONCE!
He was a nice guy when I first met him ... yet they always are in the beginning! Then they go sour ... at least for me they do!
I mean I am not really out there looking but I am beginning to fall back into my old thoughts "I will NEVER find a boyfriend, I'll never get married, or have kids!!!"
I am 23, which I KNOW is still young, but everyone younger than me and my age and older already has boyfriends/fiances/husbands, kids, the whole 9 yards! I am starting to feel left out! Is that so wrong of me?
I have only ever had 3 boyfriends, and my last one was 3 years ago!
I have dated 2 guys since then but that was it! Nothing serious!
I want to find the guy that I say I love you to and he says it back to me and we tell each other how much we miss each other and have been thinking of them, etc.
I just want love!!! Am I being greedy/impatient?
Work has been crazy! Good and bad! I am still looking for new employment! I am considering taking a manager position at payless!
I have been going through friends again! People seem to think I will continue to put up with their bullshit! But I won't! I am sick of people thinking I will let them walk all over me! WHAT?!?! Are you insane!
I miss my brother, SO MUCH!!! 2 days until court!!! Tuesday we go to court!
Life just seems to get crazy, then it gets good, then it gets crazy again!
So I just had to write in here because it has been more than a week and I said I would try to stay in here on a regular basis!
Well I will give you all just a small portion of my update, cuz full version will have you here all day reading ... and I still need to get ready for work lol!
My brother had ran away and was missing for a week and a half!
He ran away because my mom (psycho as we already know) threatened to beat him so bad he wouldn't know what happened to him then she would call the cops and tell them to take him away!
So he got scared and ran away!
Funny part is that when he was missing and 2 days before he was missing I called her and asked for custody and she said to me, "Please don't take him from me, that's my baby. He is the only thing that is keeping me sane!"
UH HELLO!! You just told him you were going to beat him and have him taken away! AND you're already insane so what's the difference lady?!?!
So he was found the beginning of this week and is in lock up right now!
Hunter's probation officer (P.O.) has persuaded my mom to give me custody when Hunter gets out! However, it will ONLY be while he is on probation then he is to return to her! UNLESS I fight her for custody, which I have all intensions to!
I want him to have a bigger better future! Which I don't feel that he can have living with her and her recently ex-fiance and his new girlfriend and her kids!
Yea my moms ex-fiances house sounds like a soap opera or reality show! DISGUSTING!
I did go visit my brother alst night and he was very happy to see me, he had NO idea I was coming! I came around the corner and he was sitting on the bench (it was in their lunch room, so it was on one of those benches in the lunch rooms in high school lol) and when he saw my face he started smiling!
I love my little brother so VERY much! I love him as if he was my own child! I have taken care of him a lot while we were growing up!
I am looking for a new job!
I am looking for a new apartment (b/c of my brother)
I guess that is really the small update .. and I really need to get ready lol!!
I have ALL 5 senses in tact still, I am able to support myself, I have my own apartment, my own car, pay all my bills myself, have a wonderful support team! (friends and a few family members)
I have been through so many things since the new year, BUT God still keeps blessing me. Just when I am ready to give up, he blesses me with something else!
There is so much more that I would like to write about this and I will, just not tonight cuz I have been up since 5:30am and I want and need some rest!
I just needed to pop in and say hello and get that off my chest!!
Okay so here I am again today. Let's see if I can write in here daily!!! :)
Today I just had one of those I hate my job days!
It is all because of this story that took place Friday evening ...
Starting Thursday I starting feeling sick at payless (my second job).
It was that beginning feeling where you freeze even if it's hot and all your bones hurt in your body!
Well I ignored the feeling since I just thought maybe it was because I was exhausted from working so much and I needed sleep!
So I came home and went to sleep! I started burning up! I couldn't find my thermometer. I finally woke up a little after four and couldn't take it anymore, so I looked all over for the thermometer until i found it and my temperature was 102.4, I took Advil and went to sleep.
Started feeling better in the morning so I went to work again. Started my day at payless 9:45am-1:00pm then I started Piercing Pagoda at 1:30pm. I had a feeling the sickness was going to come back.
So I started calling people to see if they could cover my shift. I called my whole staff and 2 other stores staff. No one would come in!
I started getting really sick. When I stood up I started to shake, my face had NO color, my eyes were extremely bloodshot,my eyes would only open half way, I couldn't remember what happened 2 minutes prior, I had HORRIBLE coughing fits, runny/stuffy nose, while I talked I would start crying (not even like I wanted to, it just came on it's own), and one time I coughed so hard I threw up!
I KNEW my fever was back and there was NO way I could work the rest of my shift out, that had about 5 hours left!
I called my boss who argued with me about leaving. I told her I had no choice, I was physically UNABLE to work any longer and no one would cover my shift so I would have to close the store!
This is where she should have stepped in and took over my shift so I could go home. Instead she argued with me! I finally told her, "Look I don't know what to tell you! I know I'm not allowed to close the store early, nor do I want to but I HAVE to if NO ONE will come in! You will just have to write me up or fire me and if you do I'll be taking the company to court, cuz they can NOT force me to stay here while I am sick!"
I closed the store 1 1/2 hours early!
Went home and went to bed for 36 hours, I was only up to potty, drink, medicine, etc.
I did not eat for 72 hours, I was SO sick!
Not good I know. But I had no desire to even attempt to eat cuz everything hurt!
Well my whole point is, how am I supposed to feel working for a company and co-workers who obviously don't care about my health and illness?
~~ Wipes the dust off this old journal that has been sitting here untouched for about 3 months
So I am supposed to be in bed but I came to check on something and read an e-mail from a person that was a regular reader here and I was one of her regular readers.
Which reminded me that I really need to put more time back into my journals! I think of all of you often!
But now that I work 2 jobs it is hard to keep up with anything!
Alot has changed for me the past few months! I will not sit here and bore you with the details!
Major happenings: *my mom went psycho AGAIN cuz her fiance broke up with her (after 13 years) I can't say I blame the guy! She is threatening to take it to public .... UMMM everybody has had a breakup in their life, the public really will not find that story so appealing! What you think?
* I started and stopped selling partylite candles .. all within a month, it was just not for me! I felt like I had no support from the consultant who signed me (my boss from pagoda)
* My mom has told my brother he is not allowed to talk to me anymore!
* I having problems with my ex best friend who owes me $253.11
* I have went to visit my dad in Ohio (I drove)
* Went to visit my best friends family in North Carolina (I drove)
There are many other things but I'll leave it at that for now!!
I just wanted to say hi to everyone!!
I miss you all!! (whoever still has me on alerts)
Here are a few pics of me recently
Muahzz!!!
Pouty lips with the curls!!
Shopping at the mall in North Carolina (the date on it is wrong, I got a new digital camera & didn't know how to change the date yet lol, it was just last weekend, february 9th)
Mommy And baby head to head for kisses! He usually puts his head down like that for "head kisses" but I had lip gloss on so I didn't want to kiss his head and come up with a mouth full of cat hair EWWW!! :(
So I gotta say two years ago when I started journaling here I never thought I would see the day that I would see my life here where it is at right now!
I prayed to god the other day and just started bawling my eyes out. He has changed my life in so many ways the past 2 years. I am very blessed is all I got to say!
I am such a happier person than I was 2 years and some odd months when I started writing here in what we call j-land!
I am so very very grateful for all that god has offered me!
Okay so what has changed since I was last here a littleover 2 weeks ago??
I gotmy baby ....
my brand new 2007 Chevroletcobolt sedan ... in the most beautiful color on the market today .... blue granite metallic!!!
*~*~* SIDE NOTE: I WILL HAVE MORE PICTURES LATER!!! *~*~*
I am so happy!!!
Happier than I have EVER been!
I have also realized that I am SO incredibly happy that I am single right now as well!
I have never in my life been so happy about so many things at once!!!!
THANK YOU GOD FOR EVERYTHING YOU HAVE BLESSED ME WITH!!!
I just wanted to tell you all the great news ... some of you might get an e-mail too just because I don't know who still has my alerts on and I know some of you missed my last entry.
I have to get to bed now!!
Thanks for all the love and support as always everyone!!! :)
Sometimes I think that my life is FINALLY coming together ....
then it is grabbed from me quicker than I can realize it!
I thought getting a second job was going to get me somewhere!
I have gotten a lot of furniture for my apartment and paying on my bills!
But my goal was to save it!
I need to open a savings account then I will be okay!
I got a raise at pagoda!
But here comes the kicker ....
I still have not gotten my permit because the day I was to go for it I realized the night before that I really do have the dumbest mother (and her boyfriend)!
My dumb A** mother decided to laminate my birth certificate and social security card ... and you are not allowed to .. and PennDot (the DMV) will not accept it! So I was not going to be able to get my permit!
So Igot a new social security card but am waiting for a new birth certificate (which will take sometime since I was born out of state)! And I had to wait to find out where mymom was born b/c I didn't know and I don't talk to her so I had to wait for other people to ask her and get back to me! Plus I was not sure what county I was born in!!!
NOTHING IS EVER SIMPLE FOR ME!
Because then I also realized that I needed a physical and have my doctor fill a form out!
So I had to wait FOREVER for her to fill it out and now I never have time to go pick it up!
So I have been practicing driving but no permit!!!
I am starting to get discouraged about my license and car!
I have not drove in the rain, snow (obviously), or tried to parallel park.
I am beginning to think I will never get ANYWHERE in life!
So I have to have a mandatory store meeting every year for re-training of how to pierce ears!
Fine!
Not a problem ... at least there never was before!
Then came today!
I planned a meeting and someone has a problem with it!
She don't like the time cuz she has to get up early!
Uh it's the same time as if she had to open on any other day!
So what's the problem?
I have no idea!
She tried guilt tripping me and saying how she has to get up early and has to travel!
Uh, not my problem you choose to transfer, you knew you would have to travel!
I do appreciate her, but I am sorry I am the manager and this is all I could do!
I have to have the meeting by a certain day and she knows that!
We canceled last weeks meeting because she was out sick!
So don't try guilt tripping me!
I'm not the one for that crap!
I have done plenty of things I didn't want to when I was the key sales and assistant manager ... it's what happens when you are not the manager!
When you work hard and have been there as long as I have then maybe you can earn the title and rights I have!
But until then I am YOUR boss and we do things my way!
Not saying I never do things to accommodate them, cuz believe me I do!
I worked two 12 hour days this week to accommodate them, one was sick saturday and the other couldn't come in so I stayed open to close .... then yesterday one had to get surgery and the other one had plans so I stayed open to close again!
Yet I am to feel sorry becasue you have to come to work for a 8 and a 1/2 hour shift?
UH sorry NO!
I don't feel sorry!
I just worked a 48 hour week!
So no I don't feel sorry!
My boss got up at 5:30 the past two mornings (and didn't even get home til 8:30pm yesterday) so she worked more than me and she is not complaining!
It's the job we choose!
This job did not come knocking on our door, we went and looked for it!
I am sick of this crap!
I feel like no matter what I do for my staff I can't seem to please them well enough!!
I'm sorry I am poor and can't run contest and such like I should and want to!
I'm sorry I am not PERFECT!
I'm sorry I am not like your old boss (which BTW got fired) and is loaded (humm, wonder why) and could do whatever you girls wanted!
I'm sorry she didn't care about the policies like I do!
Okay first off let me start by saying a few things ...
1. Thanks for all your concern, it really means a lot to me! That is the reason I write here in AOL journals! You people are so amazing
2. Sorry vicki it took me so long to get here lol, my assistant called and we had to go over some things!
3. I'm sorry I was random in my last entry. I just needed to vent and I thought it would make me feel better, but it didn't!
Now onto explaining the last entry .. (and what happened this past weekend with meeting my daddy)
Okay! The last entry was written because of what happened this weekend so I will start there!
My daddy came into town sunday afternoon and he came to my house as soon as he got into town and I'll just tell you this, when I opened my door to greet him and hisg/f, I was so shocked that I didn't know what to do!
I usually am a very emotional person, but I think from all the other crying I could not cry when he got here, although I felt like I wanted to!
So we talked and I showed him my apartment then we left!
It was on to surprise my grandparents!!
They had NO idea he was bringing meover, they knew he was coming but not me!
So we get there and I layed down in the backseat in case they were sitting outside and they were not.
But as soon as anyone pulls in the driveway my grandma comes out!
So she came out as we were getting out the car, so I hid behind my grandparents van! Then my dad put his arm around me and walked from behindthe van and she had NO idea who I was so she just kept talking to my daddy!
Then my daddy said to her, "Do you know who this is?" "No!" "This is Theresa!" "OMG Girl! Get up here {she was on the porch} and give me a hug and kiss! I missed you so much! It is really good to see you!"
It got very sentimental, although I could still not cry .. I was all cried out!!
Then my grandpa and Uncle Nate was on the side working on the tractor so we walked over to say hi and I got the same reaction from my grandpa and Uncle!
It finally felt so good to be appreciated and loved by my own blood! I was so happy to see them!
Later that night I was blessed to also see my aunt Margaret and great aunt Marie {where I got my middle name from}!
Those two were so happy to see me to!
I was told by the whole family that I better NOT disappear like that again! Although they understood that it was not in my control in the first place!
I was given all my aunts and uncles phone numbers and address' and told not to be a stranger!
So there goes the outcome of the reunion!
Now as for the funeral ... my mom came of course .. and she started a HUGE scene at the funeral parlor .. about my daddy being there!
She got us kicked out cuz she would not just shut up!
So we all went outside and talked and she finally calmed down (surprised the heckout of me, I thought she was not capable of being calm)! Then we all went back in and it was all fine!
She played that she really cared about me "Theresa I love you, I miss you!"
For many of you who don't know how my mother is let me explain something ... she is VERY vindictive, lying, immature (even at the age of 48), etc.
She ONLY did that because I was with my daddy! Had I came by myself or with ANYONE else, she NEVER would have talked to me that day!
So I just gritted my teeth and just didn't say anything there!
Well I figured she was alright with everything .. then she called me tuesday night(the day after the funeral) and said she was going to kill herself b/c I was talking to my daddy!
Oh yea, that's my mom! That's how I know the lady!
I KNEW she would not be able to handle this!
She called me and A**hole! Said all I do is think of myself, I am such a horrible person/child etc. She told me she wants nothing to do with me now, she is giving me ALL pictures that have me in it, she doesn't want anything of me!
Yep this is how I know my mom and for her to act over MY life!
I told her I am 22 years old and if I feel like talking to my daddy then I am! She don't have to talk to him and love him up, I just want him and his family to be a part of my life!
My sister is pissed .. nothing new eh?!?
She was already pissed at me and hating me for almost 2 years!!! So what has this changed? NOT A THING!!!
So now do you see the psycho's I deal with in my family?
I seriously don't know how I deal with it sometimes ... and how did I come out so much better when this is what I was surrounded by? {hence my last entry .. I felt like I just couldn't take it anymore and I should just disappear and start a BRAND new life somewhere far from here and not talk to ANYONE, not even my friends when I left}
I have more I could say about the weekend but this is long enough so I will end it here ....
As always thanks for reading and enjoy the day!!!
(Currently listening to ~ Rihanna ~ Shut Up & Drive)
I am a 23-year old woman that is exploring the world trying to find
happiness!
Please follow my journey through life, as I am a young woman exploring the world of where she belongs and her purpose. I live with my 16 year old brother that I have custody of! It can be a struggle sometimes but we are siblings!! What do you really expect! But I have my own apartment and we live in the suburbs!! I HATE THE CITY HERE WHERE I LIVE!!!!
Please pull up a seat and stay a while, and enjoy your stay!
