Today was a long day!
Yet I should be in bed right now!
I have such a long day ahead of me tomorrow too!
Well as I always seem to jinx myself ....
I did it again!
Mark and I were getting along really well, I thought we were finally soon able to be together ....
then we have been clashing the past few days!
I just keep telling myself that I don't think he is the kind of guy that I am looking for!
He can be really nice to me, but then he gets into his spurts where I always come last ...
so that's what I am doing to him tonight ...
I know that may sound childish, but I feel like he may then realize what it is like to be treated that way!
Then maybe he will not do it to me!
I'm going to go to bed and not call him back ...
he asked me to do something with him tonight and I told him I didn't want to come over to his house tonight ....
I just feel like he hates me right now and I hate him so I don't think it would be good for us to be around each other!
I really just wish god would either take my feelings for Mark away from me or give us a good relationship ...
I know this may sound weird but I cry to god all the time and tell him to make me hate mark!
I really don't want to care baout mark, I don't want to have feelings for him anymore ....
I don't want to feel like I need to be in a relationship with him!
I really do want god to make me hate him, just because I am sick of waiting and hurting over him ... I'm sick of changing my mind about him!
WHATEVER!
He is REALLY not worth me writing all this much about ...
I went out to eat after work today ...
AT A STEAKHOUSE ...
Yeah I have not had steak since our christmas party dinner at texas roadhouse in january!
I could not afford to go since then!
Well I had a pretty good check and so did Lisa so we decided to treat ourselves because we don't know when we'll be able to do that again ....
I went to wal-mart afterwards and got a few things for me that I needed, I got a few groceries, and a few makeup items!
I still feels weird that I have my own apartment and I have so many responsiblities now too!
But I love it ...
I wake up happy everyday knowing it's just me! :)
Well I have to work an open to close tomorrow so I really need to go to bed ... 12 hour shifts always sneak up on me and I'm NEVER prepared for them!
Good night all!
