Thursday, July 19, 2007

Being A Manager S&*@%!

So I have to have a mandatory store meeting every year for re-training of how to pierce ears!


Not a problem ... at least there never was before!

Then came today!

I planned a meeting and someone has a problem with it!

She don't like the time cuz she has to get up early!

Uh it's the same time as if she had to open on any other day!

So what's the problem?

I have no idea!

She tried guilt tripping me and saying how she has to get up early and has to travel!

Uh, not my problem you choose to transfer, you knew you would have to travel!

I do appreciate her, but I am sorry I am the manager and this is all I could do!

I have to have the meeting by a certain day and she knows that!

We canceled last weeks meeting because she was out sick!

So don't try guilt tripping me!

I'm not the one for that crap!

I have done plenty of things I didn't want to when I was the key sales and assistant manager ... it's what happens when you are not the manager!

When you work hard and have been there as long as I have then maybe you can earn the title and rights I have!

But until then I am YOUR boss and we do things my way!

Not saying I never do things to accommodate them, cuz believe me I do!

I worked two 12 hour days this week to accommodate them, one was sick saturday and the other couldn't come in so I stayed open to close .... then yesterday one had to get surgery and the other one had plans so I stayed open to close again!

Yet I am to feel sorry becasue you have to come to work for a 8 and a 1/2 hour shift?

UH sorry NO!

I don't feel sorry!

I just worked a 48 hour week!

So no I don't feel sorry!

My boss got up at 5:30 the past two mornings (and didn't even get home til 8:30pm yesterday) so she worked more than me and she is not complaining!

It's the job we choose!

This job did not come knocking on our door, we went and looked for it!

I am sick of this crap!

I feel like no matter what I do for my staff I can't seem to please them well enough!!

I'm sorry I am poor and can't run contest and such like I should and want to!

I'm sorry I am not PERFECT!

I'm sorry I am not like your old boss (which BTW got fired) and is loaded (humm, wonder why) and could do whatever you girls wanted!

I'm sorry she didn't care about the policies like I do!


Thursday, July 12, 2007

Explaination to last entry!

Okay first off let me start by saying a few things ...

1. Thanks for all your concern, it really means a lot to me! That is the reason I write here in AOL journals! You people are so amazing

2. Sorry vicki it took me so long to get here lol, my assistant called and we had to go over some things!

3. I'm sorry I was random in my last entry. I just needed to vent and I thought it would make me feel better, but it didn't!

Now onto explaining the last entry .. (and what happened this past weekend with meeting my daddy)

Okay! The last entry was written because of what happened this weekend so I will start there!

My daddy came into town sunday afternoon and he came to my house as soon as he got into town and I'll just tell you this, when I opened my door to greet him and his g/f, I was so shocked that I didn't know what to do!

I usually am a very emotional person, but I think from all the other crying I could not cry when he got here, although I felt like I wanted to!

So we talked and I showed him my apartment then we left!

It was on to surprise my grandparents!!

They had NO idea he was bringing me over, they knew he was coming but not me!

So we get there and I layed down in the backseat in case they were sitting outside and they were not.

But as soon as anyone pulls in the driveway my grandma comes out!

So she came out as we were getting out the car, so I hid behind my grandparents van! Then my dad put his arm around me and walked from behind the van and she had NO idea who I was so she just kept talking to my daddy!

Then my daddy said to her, "Do you know who this is?"
"This is Theresa!"
"OMG Girl! Get up here {she was on the porch} and give me a hug and kiss! I missed you so much! It is really good to see you!"

It got very sentimental, although I could still not cry .. I was all cried out!!

Then my grandpa and Uncle Nate was on the side working on the tractor so we walked over to say hi and I got the same reaction from my grandpa and Uncle!

It finally felt so good to be appreciated and loved by my own blood! I was so happy to see them!

Later that night I was blessed to also see my aunt Margaret and great aunt Marie {where I got my middle name from}!

Those two were so happy to see me to!

I was told by the whole family that I better NOT disappear like that again! Although they understood that it was not in my control in the first place!

I was given all my aunts and uncles phone numbers and address' and told not to be a stranger!

So there goes the outcome of the reunion!

Now as for the funeral ... my mom came of course .. and she started a HUGE scene at the funeral parlor .. about my daddy being there!

She got us kicked out cuz she would not just shut up!

So we all went outside and talked and she finally calmed down (surprised the heck out of me, I thought she was not capable of being calm)! Then we all went back in and it was all fine!

She played that she really cared about me "Theresa I love you, I miss you!"

For many of you who don't know how my mother is let me explain something ... she is VERY vindictive, lying, immature (even at the age of 48), etc.

She ONLY did that because I was with my daddy! Had I came by myself or with ANYONE else, she NEVER would have talked to me that day!

So I just gritted my teeth and just didn't say anything there!

Well I figured she was alright with everything .. then she called me tuesday night(the day after the funeral) and said she was going to kill herself b/c I was talking to my daddy!

Oh yea, that's my mom! That's how I know the lady!

I KNEW she would not be able to handle this!

She called me and A**hole! Said all I do is think of myself, I am such a horrible person/child etc. She told me she wants nothing to do with me now, she is giving me ALL pictures that have me in it, she doesn't want anything of me!

Yep this is how I know my mom and for her to act over MY life!

I told her I am 22 years old and if I feel like talking to my daddy then I am! She don't have to talk to him and love him up, I just want him and his family to be a part of my life!

My sister is pissed .. nothing new eh?!?

She was already pissed at me and hating me for almost 2 years!!! So what has this changed? NOT A THING!!!

So now do you see the psycho's I deal with in my family?

I seriously don't know how I deal with it sometimes ... and how did I come out so much better when this is what I was surrounded by? {hence my last entry .. I felt like I just couldn't take it anymore and I should just disappear and start a BRAND new life somewhere far from here and not talk to ANYONE, not even my friends when I left}

I have more I could say about the weekend but this is long enough so I will end it here ....

As always thanks for reading and enjoy the day!!!

(Currently listening to ~ Rihanna ~ Shut Up & Drive)


Tuesday, July 10, 2007


I just had to say






FINE, consider me gone!!!!


Friday, July 6, 2007

I talked to my dad!!

So I just got off the phone with my dad!

Man was that ever scary!!

He really sounds sincere!

But I mean I have been HORRIBLE at judging people!

Let's hope this one is one that I am right about!!

Hearing his voice was actually kinda soothing!

Who would've thought!!

I have two pictures of him and I when I was REAL little, here in front of me on the desk by my monitior (they've been they almost all day)!

He looks so innocent in those pictures!

He looks like an innocent daddy!

I miss him holding me and calling me his little girl

And me standing on the edge of the couch to give him kisses goodbye when he walked out the door for work!

My dad went to jail before I started school so I was home to say goodbye everyday!

I miss him and love him more than I really ever thought!

He was so happy to hear my voice!

I felt loved by a family member for the first time in a very very long time and I almost started crying!

We didn't get to talk long because he was running errands so he could come this weekend to be here for my grandfathers funeral (which is monday)!

Here is a clip of our convo that really gets me stirred up as I replay it in my head .. anything in {} is what I said in response to him!

He said "Theresa you sound just like my sister! {who Aunt ruth} And I know I haven't seen you in a long time {17 years} but hopefully I can this weekend {are you coming to grandpa's funeral?}!"

He said he is trying really hard to get everything done so he can come!

I hope he can!

Do you know how good it would be to see him after 17 years??

I know my mom and sister is going to be extremely pissed off!

My mom won't ever want to talk to me for sure now!!!
(shoot probably even my sister)

She will never want me as her daughter ..

I can't help it, I need my daddy!

I need to be a grown up and have my family!

I am SICK of being a lonely person and EVERY holiday I hear everyone talk about how their family had a get together and I sit at home every holiday and do NOTHING!

I get depressed and cry every holiday!

I can't be that person anymore!

I just can't!

Plus my mom don't talk to me now as it is ... more my choice than hers ..

She has caused me enough pain to last me a lifetime!

So her getting mad at me and not wanting to talk to me ever again probably would be the best thing ever!

I tried to forgive that woman and she took advantage of me time after time after time .. and well I am sick of it now!!

I mean I forgave her and I forgave him ... I may not understand his at all ... but I know people change and I am trying to give my daddy the benefit of the doubt! So it's only fair I forgave him, she had her turn and destroyed it! And if he does then I guess I will be back at aquare one with no one!! But I gotta give him a try!!

My dad, oh my that makes me cry just to say that or even type that and it really be my dad and not my mom's fiance!!

Anyways my dad is suppossed to call me back later tonight!

He was driving when I called him!

I am still scared but I really feel this is the beginning of a new and beautiful thing!

Tears have been falling from these eyes for the past 3 or 4 hours off and on!

Today was a very trying day but yet a good one!!

But there will only be more to come ... I mean we only talked for about 5-10 mins.

So there is SO much we need to discuss!

I know he is happy!! I just know it! I could hear it in his voice!

He said that I had answered his prayers!

So we shall see ...

stay tuned for more info!!!

Currently listening to Pink ~ Family Portrait


And in case you never this song ...

Here is a video with the lyrics

Oh and look below at the last entry ... I called his parents too!!!

Phone call to paternal grandparents!!

This is so hard for me!

I knew this would be hard but I guess I didn't think this would be the result!!!

I called my paternal grandparents and no one answered the phone and I didn't know how to explain myself on their answering machine so I hung up!!

I got scared and just hung up!

Then I thought this is NOT how I want it to be so I called back and got the machine again ...

so I left probably the STUPIDEST message ever and sounded like an idiot trying to tell my own grandparents who I am and why I am calling after 17 or 18 years!!

I feel like such a dummy!!

This is so so so hard!

I mean I knew it would be hard but I guess I was not expecting to hang the phone up and start bawling! And I can't stop! I stop for a little and just start back up again!

Especially when I replay myself leaving that message!!

What if they don't call me back??

What if they heard that message and thought, "Gawd we are not calling that idiot back!!!"

What have I gotten myself into???

My aunt told me today that when my sister finds out I am calling my grandparents and our father she is going to be pissed ....

well she can be ....

but it has NOTHING to do with her ....

I am my own person and I really think I need this!!!

I miss and love my daddy!

I know how could I miss this man when he did what he did to my family??

I don't know but I do!!!

How could I love him either??

I don't know!

I have ever since I was little and never stopped!

This hurts so bad!!

I think more than anything else on the planet!!!

I would NEVER wish this upon anyone EVER!

This is so horrible!!

I feel like I can't breathe!!

Oh and this is only the beginning b/c in 2 mins I am calling my dad!!


I can't handle this!!!

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

It's over!!

There are so many things running through my mind right now ..

and I can't express them through words at all ..

Today was a day I will never forget!

I watched him take his last breath and my grandma lose it because of it!

We were never really close but he is my grandma's husband ... the  least I could do was be there for her while she goes through this tough time!

My aunt Eileen actually spoke to me while we were there and she is the one that brought me home too!

Now many of you don't know this but we hate each others guts!!

Her and I lived together a while back and she went psycho and I moved out and we have not been able to repair our relationship since!

Today was definitely a trying day for me!

My eyes burn so bad from all the crying!

I will never forget watching him take his last breath!

Watching them take him off the medicine and infibulator (I'm sure I spelled that wrong) and letting him do everything on his own and watching the end of his life just roll around!

I'll never forget him opening his eyes and me telling him I was there and that I loved him!

I'll never forget how he tried to talk to us before they took the tube out and we couldn't hear a thing he was trying to tell us ... it was all a matter of guessing!

I'll never forget seeing him lay there in all that pain he was in!

I'll never forget him and his last breath!!

R.I.P. Grandpa (Richard Morris) I love you!!!

The last thing I want you to know grandpa was that you had the best support team ever there with you today! Grandma loves you more than any words or actions could show!! She misses you more than any of us do!! After 38 years of marriage (And 40 years all together) you two have had your ways and you and her may have said somethings you didn't mean when you two were mad at each other, but you both loved each other very much!!


OMG!!! I can't believe this ...

ok so my moms fiance just called me and told me my grandpa (my moms stepfather) has 24 hrs to live!!!

We were never close .. I mean he never really did anything for me ...

but he is family and I am sad and shocked about this ..

I feel I need to go pay my respects and say my final goodbye!!!

I don't want to be selfish!!

I feel I owe the family that much!!!

Monday, July 2, 2007

Just a simple hello!!!

ok so well here goes!! LOL!

So I knida feel silly today ...

don't know why I just do!!

yesterday was a good day!!!

I ended up making $30 this weekend doing small tasks!!

I am kinda upset though about my friend only paying me $5 when I watched her daughter from 12:30am-2:30pm and I fed her and all I got was $5!!!

It's whatever though!!

I just won't be a babysitter for her anymore!

I mean I understand she is going through some tough times but so am I and I can't afford to be feeding more mouths than my own!

But I learned my lesson!

My assistant called today and invited me to a cookout on the fourth!

I went to the pool yesterday!

Lisa and her kids came over so we went swimming for over 2 hours!!!

I was so wore out that I just came home and we watched a movie (Happily N'EVER after) and I fell asleep watching it!

So please don't ask how it was lol!

I plan to watch it today cuz I really did want to see it!

I also want to see "Everyone's Hero" and maybe a few others!

I am such a little kid!!

AH well!! I don't care!!!

Here are a few pictures of yesterday!


Taleea posing!!

Dejay helping Dontae

My BFF swimming, Lisa!!!

Just me here today writing to all of you!! hehehe!!!

(currently listening to Mya ~ Lock You Down)