Thursday, May 31, 2007

It happened again! Did you put a curse on me??

So here I was cleaning tonight and what do you think happened to me again???

I broke glass and cut my hand!

The opposite hand (my left this time) and this time I also managed to cut it in TWO places this time!!!

I cut my middle finger and the palm of my hand!

I swear someone put a curse on me!

Was it you???

Tammy had gotten me this bowl for floating candles and I was cleaning it and it broke into like 10 pieces!!!


These two were nothing serious though!

The cut I got Sunday night hurts every time I bump it!

But it seems to be healing fine!

This is just weird though!

Wednesday, May 30, 2007


Well as much as I don't want to do this,

I have to!

As I am cleaning today I am finding a lot of things left behind from my brother!

He has a cell phone hidden under my couch (Probably stolen)

Trash on my patio hidden under a trash bag I had sitting out there (when our dumpster's are full if we take a bag down and it is found on the ground we get fined for it, so we are supposed to leave it on our patio until the dumpster's are emptied ... ewwww)

My patio is TRASHED!!!

There was all kinds of trash laying on my floor in the living room/dining area!

He didn't clean up after himself at all.

He stole from me about a month ago!

He lies to me all the time!

He leaves my apartment and plays with one of the boys that lives in the complex and doesn't listen to me when the kid is over.

And when I go to work I leave my keys here as I won't need them at work ... and that way he can ride his bike while I am at work ... BUT he knows when I get off and when I will be home ... so he decides he will leave, lock the apartment and make me wait outside of my own apartment too! 

He is CONSTANTLY with this boy ... never just spending time here in my apartment!

He brakes my things.

He just straight out does whatever he wants when he wants!

I have tried to accept that he is a teenager and they do these things ...

but he is NOT my responsibility and I can't handle all of these things!

He disrespects me and my neighbors ...

I am afraid that he will get me kicked out of here ...

then what will I do?

I will have NOWHERE to go!

So I only have one solution ...


Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Reality Check!!!!

So while I was at work today thinking about how I thought my life was horrible ...

It hit me!!!!

My life really is not THAT bad.

I mean yeah I don't drive, I never have money, I am having trouble finding the love of my life, I don't have a family, etc.

Those are really minor compared to what problems I used to have and to what other problems others may be going through!

For those of you who have been reading for a while or Jessie who I have known for almost 8 years ...

Do you remember when I was living at home????

Remember when I was ALWAYS depressed????

Remember how BAD my face broke out all the time from stress????? (and not eating right)

Remember how I didn't know how much I could stay living with my mom, her fiance and my brother cuz I thought I would end up killing myself????

Remember how I was never home????

Remember how I NEVER ate??? (for multiple reasons)

Remember how I would work ALL the time????

Remember how I would find reasons to be out of the house????

Remember how I would lose sleep cuz of it being so hot???

Well I was thinking today ...

I am so ungrateful!!!

How is it so easy for us to become used to the things we have and we get greedy and want more then we get it then we want more????

I wanted my OWN apartment ... I got it!!!

I wanted my face to be clear ... I got it!!!!

I wanted to get brand new nice furniture .... I got it!!!!

I wanted a guy to love me for me ..... I got it!!!! (may have screwed things up, but I got it)

I wanted to feel comfortable with just being ME around him and NOT feeling embarrassed when I'm around him .... I got it!!!!

I sat back and had my REALITY CHECK today ... I realized I got so much that I should be proud of!!!

God sure has given me a lot within the past year!

So why am I sitting here pretending God must have punished me and wants me to suffer and pretend like I have nothing to be proud of?????

I hate when I get 'comfortable' and become greedy, wanting EVERYTHING!!! (becoming the HUGE ol' jealous person)

I have also been thinking of what one of my readers said to me ...

Maybe I should stop worrying about guys for awhile ....

And she was right!!!!

And as much as I like Kori and want things to work ...

Maybe it's just not meant to be!

I prayed to God last night and asked him to please give me the strength to choose the right path, to allow me to make the right decision.

And if it means letting Kori go, then please give me the strength to move forward and not be so heart broken and weak over it!

I did have someone ask for my phone number the other day ...

It's kind of a funny story ...

I won't bore ya with it though!!!

But even though he was not my type for several reasons, it sure was nice to know that guys still find me attractive and want to get to know me more!

Even though I really don't want to get to know any other guy, cuz Kori really does have my heart ... and I don't want to take it from him or share it with anyone else!

I just know that NO MATTER which way God guides me ...

I will try my hardest to not be ungrateful and just know that he is doing this for the best reason possible!

Monday, May 28, 2007


Ok I don't mean to sound self-centered!

I mean I FULLY understand that today is for a good reason ...

And I am very thankful for all the soldiers that have fought for our country ....

But I hate holidays because they are always about family ...

Like today ...

Alot of people spend time with their families and go to cookouts and go swimming, etc.

and then there is me ....

LEFT ALONE with no family!

Yes I have my brother ...

but he is only 14 years old ....

so there is still a lot I can't do with him!

Holidays just become depressing times for me!

That is why today was such a depressing day for me! :(

Just me being vain!

Well for starters let me just say that spending the day to yourself is quite flattering!

It is nice to just do whatever I want and not caring what others think or want me to do!

It is nice not trying to juggle my life ...

It is nice to just sit back and say, "Ahhh F*** it!"

Sometimes I need just that!

I just need to chill!

Watch some tv ....

relax ....

eat whatever ...

and NO cooking (well til dinner) ....

not worrying about anything at ALL!!!!!


Anyhoo ...

While I was spending the day chilling ....

I remembered that I wanted to pose and be all cute today ....

why you ask?

Well first of all cuz anyone that knows me knows that I LOVE to take pictures ....

and TONS of myself!

(Well maybe that's cuz I have nothing else really to take pics of)

and second off cuz I got TWO pairs of FREE sunglasses Saturday and Sunday!!!

So I wanted to flaunt my new shades off!!!!!


So here be some cute pics of me!!!

(ohhh, that sounded kinda ghetto ... ahhh well who cares???)

The file names are written in pink .. I thought I titled them well ... and some are cute so I shared them with ya!

Side notes are in purple

Aww!! Cutie Me!!!

These are the sunglasses Thashira gave me yesterday!!!! I look better in them than she does!!! She even said so!!!


Look you can see my cut in this one!!!

These are the sunglasses Tanya gave me Saturday! And she too admitted her shades looked better on me! She told me to TAKE her sunglasses!


Hey! Here I am again!

I'm Sorry! What's that you said?

I wonder if he is thinking of me ....

I wonder .... what lies may lay ahead?????

Just relaxing!

I don't care how my fat neck may look in this one .. I love my face and hair in this one!!!


Just Sexy!

This is my city side!

What up B????

I just HAD to throwa silly one in there!!!!


Pure Sexiness!

Here is a better one with me wearing the sunglasses Tanya gave me!!!

The morning after!!!

So after the crazy night I had last night I am not sure I really want to do anything today!

I am so friggin tired it's not funny!

I wanted to sleep in so bad ...

but Hunter had to be home by noon!

So I had to wake him up a little after 8 to get ready and go look for his bike in the woods ...

he needed to leave by 9:30 am!

He has to ride his bike across town ..

my moms fiance refused to drive him across town!


Anyhoo, his bike was still there in the woods.

It was back a little further than where we were last night!

I still have quite a bit to clean today, but  I have a headache and I am so tired I don't know how much I will get done ....

but I DO have off Wednesday and Thursday too!

So I'll do 2 rooms today (Maybe) and do the rest Wednesday!

Then I'll have ALL of Thursday to relax!!!!!

FYI: my hand still hurts!!!!

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Only in MY life!!!!!!!

So I planned to come home from work and clean ...

ok I'll stop lying ...

I planned to come home and cook ...

then relax ...

then I walked in and all plans changed!!!!

My brother had TRASHED the place while I was at work!

He decided to STILL not load the dishwasher!

Which I asked him to do while I was at work yesterday morning!

I had long hours at work this weekend!

So I decided since I had about 30 alerts that I would read all the entries first then go clean my kitchen (see pics below)

Well I did just that and read all the almost 30 entries all of you decided to write the past 2 days then I was off to clean the destroyed kitchen off mine!

I was doing pretty well when IT happened ...

I broke one of my glasses when I was loading the dishwasher!

I went to put one of the glasses in and I hit the top of one of the glasses on the bottom of the other and I heard it crack so before I sat it down in the dishwasher I looked at it ...

I saw the crack and just the touch of my fingers running SMOOTHLY across it made it fall into 2 pieces.

So I threw them into the trash bag ....

Well the trash bag at one point while I was at work had fallen down whenHunter threw something in it and didn't bother to pull it back up ...

So when I went to empty the trash can, I had to pull the bag up and when I reached in and pulled the bag up to tie it I sliced the side of my hand on the broken glass ....

(see pics below)

So those of you that don't know me that well ....

let me tell you a little secret ....


Well at first I just thought ...

"oh it can't be that bad!"

SO I ran it under some cold water to try to get it to stop bleeding and that didn't work ...

SO, I put pressure on it with some napkins ...

STILL didn't work!

So I tried to call my BFF and talk to her ...

cuz I like to talk to people to get my mind off of it ...

but she wasn't home so I talked to her husband for about 15 mins.

Then I decided that I better see if Mike (My moms fiance) could come over and look at it.

Well he is on call (he works driving a tow truck)!

So when I called him all I got out was "Are you busy?"


"because I cut my hand & I don't know ...."

"Hold on"

SO I was on hold too long so I hung up and tried to call my other BFF and she didn't answer so I left her a message and she still hasn't called me back!

Well while I was leaving her a message Mike called back!

So I talked to him and he asked me to have Hunter look at it since I couldn't with out getting light headed!

I couldn't do that cuz he decided to leave right after I got home from work to go ride his bike!

So I FINALLY after about 30 mins got it to stop bleeding ..

So I just put a Band-Aid on it.

I hope it will heal fine!

So as I started typing this entry ...

(about a hour ago)

Hunter walked in the door with Christian

and they told me they needed a flash light ...

of course, me being the adult, I had to ask WHY

"Well this kid started chasing us for my bike. So I dumped it in the woods and now I can't find it cuz it is so dark out!"

"Well I don't have one!"

But since it was so late I decided ... again me being the adult ... that I better go with them!

Well it was so dark and we only had one flashlight for 3 people ...

we decided we would go look in the morning!


ONLY IN MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!









Friday, May 25, 2007

My life really is in a shitty place right now

excuse my language in the subject ...

but I feel like no matter what I do something is always holding me back!

I feel like I am not meant to move forward!

I have tried to show Kori how much I want to be with him and I don't think he really cares!

I don't think he wants to be with me anymore!

I am not sure I really care anymore ..

I can only try so hard and anything beyond that is out of my control!

And I am not going to sit here and beg anybody to be with me!

I am sick of trying to make guys see how good I can be to them and much I want to be with them and they just brush me off as if I am nothing but a piece of trash!

(yet there are girls that are unfaithful to their men and they end up with multiple guys and happiness out the a** ... how is that fair to us faithful honest good-hearted people .. we always get pushed to the side!)

It's hard not having REAL friends close to you!

Its hard not knowing when you will have money again!

Its hard seeing everyone around with a family and you have nothing!


No one completely understands where I am coming from!

not everyone has to worry about walking home 2 hours in the complete dark and not having anyone that gave two shits if something happened to you cuz of it!

Not everyone understands what it is like to ride the bus and not have money for it

Not everyone knows how it is to not know when you can buy some groceries ...

Not everyone knows what it is like to love someone so much and them not care back

NO ONE has all these SAME problems I do at once like I do! (plus some)

Not everyone knows what it is like to have NO ONE to borrow a few dollars from to help you get buy until you have some money ...

not everyone knows what it is like to be 100% completely on your own ...

meaning NO ONE to help you when you get in a jam either ..

I mean like you have $13 for two weeks and that is for groceries, bus trips, lunch/dinner at work, laundry money, etc and have NO ONE to give you $40 until you get paid in two weeks!

That means that when I am broke, I am broke .. with no back up plan!

How am I EVER going to save for a car????

how am I ever going to survive??????

You tell me that ... tell it to my grave ......

Thursday, May 24, 2007


I just got off the phone with my baby!!!

I am SOOOOOOOO friggin excited

I am so happy that he is NOT mad at me!!!

to hear his voice almost put me in tears!

I miss him SO badly!

I could NEVER be with a solider ....

I give EXTREME props to those who are ... (Emily & Amanda)

So I guess things will work themselves out ...

but only if they are meant to!

OMG! I wish I could put it into words the way he makes me feel!

I guess its love!!!


And he is calling again!!!! :)

I feel the butterflies forming in my tummy!!!

pimping a journal out!!!

Okay as much as I love to journal it was bound to happen ...

My BFF has made a journal ...

Now as kind-hearted as all of you are ...

I want you to go give her a warm welcome to our land of journaling!!!!

This girl needs all of you to listen to her ....

I have known this girl since I was in 10th grade (almost 8 years)


Anyhoo ...

If you enjoy your stay ... which I am sure you will add her to your alerts!!!!

I will have to teach her how to add some perdy graphics :)

Here is her linky ....

A Day In The Life of a Housewife...

No cat = No sleep

Well as some of you (OK apparently just Jessie) know Cookie has gone over to my best friends Lisa's house for a few days!

My apartment complex is cleaning filters this week, so Cookie had to take a vacation LOL!

Well as dorky this may sound, and I don't care ...

I can not seem to get any sleep without my baby here!

I miss incredibly bad!

I know he is just a cat ...

but you have no idea what it is like to have no family which = no love (except your few friends)

My cat is like my child!

So not having him here to cuddle with me at night is so weird.

I miss that as soon as I get home from work he runs and gives me kisses!

And if I cry he is there to comfort me .. LITERALLY ...

my cat is a very intelligent cat.

A lot of people make fun of me for the way I love my cat and because I "Talk to him like he is a dog!"

But my cat is very intelligent .. so therefore I talk to him as most would say "like a dog or child" because I KNOW he understands me.

If he is somewhere he is not to be all I have to do is give him a look and maybe a snap of a finger and he is gone!

I usually don't have to pick him up to put him in my bedroom when I leave for work!

All I have to do is go in the bedroom and he'll come in ...

sometimes I have to sit on the bed and he'll come right in ..

and there are a few times where I might have to make a kissing noise and tell him to come give mommy kisses before she leaves for work and he comes in!

But he listens very well!

I am not saying he don't act out ..

he is a cat and he is bad every now and then!

Sometimes he likes to wait to 4:30am to play with his catnip pouches!

Oh yea ... and I have a old man that lives under me that randomly slams shit and yells "GOD D*** IT!" and when he does it once he'll do it that whole day and sometimes night!!!!

So I try to get Cookie to settle when it is that late (or shall I say early) and sometimes he wants to play so bad that I will have to close my bedroom door so he will lay down and go to sleep!

But I guess I bored you enough!

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

I miss my baby already

So when I came home from work yesterday there was a bulletin that they were cleaning our filters this week!


So Lisa called me last night and we caught up on what has been happening in our lives!

I told her about the sign and asked her if she would take Cookie again for a few days!

Of course she did.

She came at 9 this morning to pick him up ...

my baby ...

I miss him already and he just left not even a hour ago!

I keep thinking I hear his bells!

He will be at her house for a few days!

I kinda hope I am home when they come to change the filters (for a few reasons).

first because I need them to look at my bathroom ceiling

and I don't want them freaks up in my house while I am at work!

anyhoo back to cookie ...

He did not want to get into his carrier either this morning ...

I should've recorded it ...

it was funny as hell.

He was trying to worm outta my hands then he would curl his back and try to slip away!

Then when I put his two front paws together and tried to put him in the carrier he would arch his back and force himself away from the carrier!

Lisa was sitting on my bed laughing at me!

I was giving him so many kisses and telling him to go into the carrier ...

I told him I loved him so much and how much I was going to miss him ...

nothing was helping!

After I finally got him in .... (Lisa stood the cage up and I put him in that way)

I put some treats in his cage with him and he just left them lay on his back (I threw them in from a hole that is on the top)

He has been at Lisa's house before!

He went there the last time they came to change the filters!

Well I guess I bored ya enough with my cat drama! LOL!!!! :)

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Thank you God & comcast

So I feel like such an a** right now!

I really hope that God can give Kori the strength to forgive me so we can move forward and be stronger than ever!

I had this post already typed and I accidentally that ugly little "X" up in the top right hand corner like a dummy!!!!!

So I will just sum this up ...

Kori held to his word and called me back and he just kept asking me if I was sure Hunter dialed the right number ...

and you know how normally people use that type of stuff to cover what they may have done ...

I didn't feel that with him and this situation ...

I really way deep down inside felt that he was 100% innocent this time ...

so just then I realized I could find out ...

thanks to comcast I can get on the internet and see all received, missed, and dialed phone numbers for my house phone!

So I said to him, "Wait!! I just realized something. Let me look online and see what happened. I can log onto my account online and see what is going on!"

Well sure enough I did and my brother had called the wrong phone number!

Yep so needless to say I sure hope Kori has the strength to forgive me!

I have NEVER felt this way about a guy before!

I bawled my eyes out so bad today!

But we shall see how it all turns out ...

please pray for me for I have sinned and I need forgiveness!!!

Oh I forgot to add the Update ....

Well Jessie called him and he laughed about it all

Nothing mattered to him ...

not a care in the world that he just destroyed me!!!

Instead he sat and laughed and thought it was the funniest thing he had ever heard of ..

he called me crazy!

He told her that I was crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I did nothing but do right by him and this is my returned thanks!

I just don't know what to do anymore!

I really liked this guy .......

I thought I could make this one work!

MAN OH MAN was I wrong AGAIN!!!!!!!

Well I told him I want the jewelry I bought him back and I want him to come get his shit from my apartment!

I don't want nothing of his and I will return the earrings and bracelet and get something for myself!!!!!!!!!

I feel I deserve it right now!

I really do!

My eyes burn so bad from all this dang on crying!

HA HA HA ... is this just not funny ....

Sunday, May 20th, 2007

Sagittarius (Nov 22 - Dec 21)

It's easy to get annoyed with someone today, especially if he or she cannot see the big picture. It only gets more frustrating as you go back over your perspective with the hope of being understood. It's possible that no amount of logic will get your point across, for the response is more emotional than rational. Accept the differences for now and just move on.


So I just HAD to come here and vent ....

I just called Kori and another woman answered the phone!!!!!

Some bit** (pardon my french) named Hannah answered the phone!!!!!!!!

So I started bawling my eyes out and called my BFF Jessie (thank you for listening to me bawl my eyes out AGAIN about this jerk!!!) and I was telling her what happened ...

then I decided to text him and tell him about himself and say a few harsh things ..

do I care that I was harsh???


Look at what he did to me!

I gave him my whole heart and he destroyed it!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh and Jessie called him and he actually answered the phone and told her to call back in a few minutes so she is calling him back now ...

we shall she what the a**hole has to say!!!!!

Although I KNOW it is just another fu***ng lie!!!


I HATE MEN!!!!!!!!!


****Edited ****

let me rephrase my title to this entry "ALL MEN I ENCOUNTER LIE, CHEAT & JUST STRAIGHT OUT SUCK!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Am I mad? I thought you was!!!!

Well today was not such a bad day I guess!

Kori and I got into a huge fight last night and I told him I didn't want to talk to him anymore and I went to sleep crying!

Plus my legs around the calf area were so sore last night that I thought I was going to die!

I told my moms fiance about it and he said that that's not good when they hurt like that ...

he said it means I am on my legs too much ...


I work retail, I stand on my feet 24/7!!

There is NO sitting down on the job!

But I am going to talk to my doctor about it next month when I go!

I guess everything is just falling apart on me! :(

I think I really need glasses ..

and I need to get braces :(

Who knows what is going on.


Anyways so I seem to be  on the rounds of making amends today!


I hope everything works out soon ..

I can't take the stress anymore!!!


Here is some pics of my baby ....

Here is my baby ... he wanted to cover himself up but HATES the blanket pver his head so he crawled under it and went to the side of the bed while we were laying down LOL he is so funny!!!



Here he is just being cute ..... look at my mess of pillows :)

Thursday, May 17, 2007

More pictures ... and anniversary

First off I will share a few more pics of me living life the past few months ..

Just some of my fav pics of me :)

Yes Jess ... tell your husband I KNOW I am vain and I don't care LOL

I love what GOD has given me :)~


The date on this is actually supposed to be 4/9/07 .. my camera was messed up lol!

This was me after working two 12 hour days back to back .... I must say, as conceeded as it may sound, I still look good even after all those long hours back to back!

And now for the anniversary ...

does anyone know what anniversary I am talking about??????

I know one of my readers knows (JESS, hugs to ya .. I love ya)

Well I will not get mad if you don't cuz I didn't even realize it until my BFF told me on the phone yesterday!

Today is this journals 1 year anniversary ...

in honor of that I have a few entries I want to post here to show the things the past year has brought for me and how far I have come!

Have fun either running down memory lane or if you are fairly new here then have fun reading through my past :)

Thanks for all the support all of you have brought for me the past year ...

I am VERY VERY serious when I say if it was not for all of your support here I probably would NOT be where I am today!

I needed someone (or someone{S}) to talk to and all of you took me in and held me under your wing and guided me intot the right direction!

I thank god and all of you for that :)

One weird situation with a guy I thought meant the world to me

The day I brought a family member to J-Land

Dontaes graduation

My first hiring escapade

Medical Disaster

PSHYCO Incident

1 year death anniversary

Searching for an apartment


Serious about letting him go

Moving On



More furniture/New life


Never happened house warming party

Starting fresh

New love???

Reality check


Ok there is quite a few there ..

but to me they were the worst and the best times of the past year that I had to go through to make it where I am today!

I hope all of you enjoy going back into to my past as I did searching for which entries would win the spotlight!!!!

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Struggling with life and its struggles

Well I feel like I fell off the face of the earth LOL


Here are some pics here living life ....


Dee Dee & my brother Hunter


This is a whole day AND night of crying :*(


Depression Aftermath


I see ya from the corner of my eye .. I think this is a really good pic of me ... except for me not smiling


Jamming to my ipod


Just Pure Sexiness :)


Lean Back & Give Kisses LOL!!!


Sexy Messy Do!!!!!!



I have plenty more of where that came from ...

but I didn't want to blow you away on your first visit back lol!!!


Okay sorry I have been absent lately ...

things just have not been going the way I want them to ...

I am slowly working my way through them though!!!

There were a few days I felt like taking my life away!

I thought there was no way I could live anymore!

I am trying to be strong though.

I am going to the doctors next month and I am asking to get put on depression medicine!

There is more I want to write but don't quite know how to put it into words right now ...

plus I am on the phone long distance with my BFF!!!!


LOVE YAS!!!!!!!!!!!!