Well so as always things have to crumble before my eyes in something that I care so much about!
Mark and I are NOT seeing eye to eye ...
and honestly this time .....
I don't think we EVER will again ...
and that just tears my heart into a MILLION little shreds!
I cried this morning when talking to Lisa about this ...
and I will try my hardest to hold it in again!
I am trying my hardest to keep my cool!
NOTE: I said TRYING my HARDEST!
Elizabeth, Mark, and I went out to dinner last night after work ....
we had just finished eating and got the bill and Mark had to step outside for a call because he could not hear inside ....
well Elizabeth went to the bathroom and I paid the bill then waited for her to come out ... it was a single stall ... she came out, I went in ....
she boxed up the left overs and Mark had still not come back in .... I saw him standing outside by a pole thingy (I can't think straight) and it didn't look like he was on the phone anymore!
Elizabeth and I came out the door and just as we came out a girl was coming in ...
Mark was standing there holding a purse and a cell phone .....
Looking all stupid ...
Elizabeth and I looked at him like, 'what the hell is going on?'
He said, "I can't go anywhere!"
Elizabeth and I, "WHY?"
Mark, "Because this chick just went in to get a pen and handed me her purse to hold!"
Elizabeth and I (again at the same time), "WHY?"
Mark, "Because she wants my phone number!"
ME, "AND YOU'RE GIVING IT TO HER?"
(chick comes out with a pen in hand) ....
CHICK, "OKAY, What is it?"
Mark, "***-****" (The stars represent his number)
(As I stand there dropped jawed that he gave her his actual number and not even a fakie!)
The chick walks away after taking her purse ....
Mark looked at me and said, "WHAT?"
Me, "Well that was definitely interesting! Definitely not something you see often! I can't believe you just gave her your number! You didn't even act like nothing was wrong about that or try to make up a fake number!"
Mark, "Well what was I supposed to do?"
ME, "MAKE UP A NUMBER! DON'T GIVE IT TO HER AT ALL OR TELL HER YOU ARE TALKING TO SOMEONE! THAT'S WHAT!"
Mark, "I don't know how to make up phone numbers! I don't know how to!"
(side note: he told me last week about a girl that wanted his number and he told me that I must be crazy to think he gave her his real number, he said he made up a number! That I must not know him well enough if I didn't know that)
Elizabeth, "You should have told her 'don't you see that I already have two beautiful women and I couldn't possibly handle another?'"
Mark, "I should have said 'this (pointing to me) is my girl! Ask her for the number!'"
Me, "So why didn't you?"
Mark, "are you mad at me?"
Me, "I'm speechless!"
So Elizabeth gets in her jeep and we get in his car (she's following us back to his place for him to get changed, for us to go for a ride in her jeep together)
WE get in his car ...
Mark, "Are you mad at me?"
Me, "I really don't know what to say, I mean I can't believe you just did that!"
Mark, "Well I AM single so I CAN give my number to whatever girl I want to!"
I have a tendency to hide my feelings of being mad at someone because of my past as a child ....
which I know is a habit I need to break and I am working on!
(Mark is calling now, and it's killing me not to answer ... my heart is killing me)
So I told him that I was not mad several times .... until finally I gave in and told him yes ....
I told him I know if I did that to him he would be PISSED beyond belief!
I told him that I also could not believe what his response was!
Mark, "What response are you talking about?"
Me, "The I'm single and can give my number to whoever! I mean I know you are but ...."
he had cut me off and a few other words were exchanged .....
I asked him a question (I can not remember what exactly it was, I know it was something along the lines of why do you think I'm acting like this?)
and his response was, "Because you care about me!"
There was dead silence for about a minute ...
Mark, "hello?"
Me, "yea?"
Mark, "why are you not saying anything?"
Me, "what do you want me to say to that?"
Mark, "Well is that not true?"
Me, "yes it is! I do care about you Mark and that's why this hurts me!"
We exchanged a few other little arguments and it got quiet for about 5 minutes ...
Me, "Well I'm going to bed!"
Mark, "Sweet dreams, call me when you get up in the morning okay?"
Me, "whatever!"
Mark, "Have a good night"
I hung up as he was still talking though!
I vented to Kayli about it ... which happens to be someone he knew from before either of them worked at the mall .....
she wanted his number .... she asked for it a little while after we talked about it so I didn't think too deep into it ... I just figured she wanted to talk to him about some other things ... so I gave her his number ....
She called him to yell at him for doing that to me ... she told him that I didn't tell her, that Elizabeth had told her and that she was pissed that he had done such a thing to me!
He called me at the store a little after 12, we exchanged a few angry sentences and I had a customer (THANK GOD) so I told him that I would call him back!
I never did ....
I am hurting!
I am SICK of relationships ...
I am such a nice person (or so I'd like to think),
yet I continue to be treated like crap ....
and it is always in the beginning ...
which I guess is a good thing ...
I guess God does not intend for me to fall in love ....