Saturday, June 30, 2007

Small jobs for some dough!!!

So my moms fiance called me yesterday and asked me to type up to letters onto this fire police letter head for him ..

I figured what the heck!

So I did it ...

Thinking even though there is really nothing in it for me, I have a hard time saying no ... and there have been a few times he has taken me to wal-mart for groceries!

So I typed them up in like 15 mins.

This morning he called and woke me up at 10:30 something and normally I would be getting up around that time if not sooner but i was up past 2 talking to my friend from high school ...

Anyways, back to the point ....

He called to ask me if I could type some more stuff up and I thought "Are you kidding me???"

But I said yes ..

Well he tells me the fire police captain is going to be paying me for this ...

then I thought "Ok bring whatever he needs typed over and I'll do it!"

So my moms fiance gets here this afternoon and hands me the simplest thing to type up ...

Seriously it took me like 5-10 mins.

And I got paid $20 just to typethose 3 simple papers up ... that only took me like no more than 45 mins. total!!!

I was sitting here thinking "Shoot I'll type them a monthly newsletter if they want ... what else they got .. .I could use this extra money!!!"

So there was an easy $20 and Lord knows I need all the money i can come acrossed right now!

If I ever want to get a car and my license then I need more money ...

I mean I do live on my own and I got a letter from my apartment complex and my rent is going up ....

Now it may not be going up a whole lot but still money is money for me right now!

So I have been thinking ...

I gotta call Turkey Hill monday and see if they reviewed my application and if they are hiring, if not then McDonalds is right acrossed the street from my apartment and they are hiring and I figured if I just work there 3-5 nights a week for the shift 7pm-12am (one of the shifts they are hiring for) then there is some money there coming in .... if not then I can apply at wal-mart for third shift and work like 4 nights a week!

I gotta do something here ... My job is just NOT paying me enough to be a manager!

And I really am trying to get my life in order!

So if it means wear myself out for a little while then so be it!

I gotta do what I gotta do!

I don't want to do this, but I know if I want to get anywhere in life that I HAVE to do this!

Believe me I just wish I could just FALL into a couple hundred dollars so I don't have to do this but I know I can't wait for something that just will NOT happen!

I am a grown up and I need to take care of myself cuz NO ONE else will!

OH!! And one of my friends called tonight and asked me to watch her daughter and her friends daughter for some money .. so I was like heck yea .. bring the girls over!!!

So I shall be babysitting for a little tonight!

Hey I'll be getting paid a few bucks .. and I need it!

So in conclusion ...

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE everyone pray for me ... pray that I can find a job and have the strength to keep up with it and that I can save for a car soon ... like before the end of november!

I NEVER ask you to pray for me (OK actually I have like 4 times at most) but I only ask when I really need it ... so Please pray for me .. I really do hate asking but I really need the strength to be able to do this ... and I know God knows this!!!

Thanks for reading and enjoy your weekend!



OH FYI: I updated my "other journals" section ... If I missed someone please let me know and leave your link with your comment! Thanks!!!

My Vaca!!!

So well my vacation started yesterday!

Well it has been okay I guess!

I mean I am not going anywhere!

But I am supposed to do something with a few of my friends ...

Lets see if they hold to it ..

I doubt 2 of them will ..

One I know will for SURE! (WAVES FRANTICALLY TO Angela .. I am so excited about our lunch and seeing the new house)

I have just been really relaxing!

I really need that!

I have been really stressed lately!

And I am really sorry I have not been to anyone's journal in like a week ... everyone was writing too much for me to keep up and I had so many alerts I just had to delete them all today! SORRY!

My moms fiance came over tonight  .... I swear he gets on my nerves sometimes really bad!!! UGGGGGGHHHHHHH!

Then he was complaining about my mom and why he never wants to be home and neither does my brother and I simply replied, "Now you see why I moved out and why when I was there I was never home either! I can't stand that woman!"

I mean I mainly moved out b/c it was time for me to grow in new areas and become a grown up!!!

Plus that house was just not healthy forme!

I am trying to get my brother to come over for a few days of my vacation .. I figured I'll be home the WHOLE time he is here so he will have to listen!! :)~

I have so much on my mind, yet can't get it to come to my fingers!?!?!

Well I guess I will end this here!

Thanks for reading and I love ya all!

Have a great rest of the evening and great weekend!


(Currently listening to ~*~*~ Hilary Duff - Stranger)

Sunday, June 24, 2007

I figured out God's destination for me!!!

Well or so I think! LOL!

So I was in the shower thinking today!

Yea, FYI: I do ALOT of my thinking in there!

Anyhoo, I figured it out!

Not all of it, but the main part of it!

I figured God has not made love work for me yet for the simple reason that he does not believe I am ready for that!

He wants me to grow in other areas first!

He knows that if he sent me love I would be too focused on that to be able to focus on some of the other important things in my life!

He wants me to FULLY focus on me getting my license, a car, a better job, going back to school, etc.

So he figures (my guess) that if I get all of this taken care of then I can focus on love!

I am so happy I am able to think positive after this jerk did what he did to me!

I sure have to keep my head up high!

I WILL be successful!

NO ONE OR NOTHING will bring me down!

I will remain on top of my life!

Thanks for reading and have a great rest of the sunday evening and have a fabulous monday!!!!

Thursday, June 21, 2007

My Life Update

I wanted to listen to an old song when I was writing this entry and I saw this song in my folder, now it may not be OLD OLD but it is from last year so it's not new and I thought it was time appropriate with how I feel!!!

So if you want watch it!! FYI: I kinda stole this idea of embedding my vidoes from Emily at Emily's Purple Pages ... Sorry and thanks Em!!! :)~




My life has been kinda crazy!

My BFF and I are not really talking ...

my choice not hers ...

she really didn't do anything major, I just need my space and I thought she would understand but then today I got some nasty e-mails from her and a few IMs! I mean there really is more behind the story but I won't get into it here!

They do always say that you see who your true friends are when you really need them and through this tough time that I am currently encountering I really was surprised to see who was and was not by my side!

Lisa has been there for me ALOT! She has listened to me rant and rave and curse and cry and she just listened (on the phone most of the time) and when she and the kids were here she consoled me more ... I bawled my eyes out a few times just at the fact that (call me conceited if you want I don't care really) I am a nice girl and I did noting for him or anyone to do such a HORRIBLE thing to me .. oh FYI: I found out there were THREE, yea count them again 1 2 3 girlfriends! I am guessing I was 2! I know Jenn was before me, but I have NO idea where or when the other girl came into play! Oh and the third girl is in denial, she don't believe that Kori is cheating on her! She really believes she is the only one! Well better her than me! I am glad that I have my sense still intact and am not insane to think she would randomly call me and lie to me about such things especially with the way things add up! But whatever! He is out of my life! And I sure am SO glad about that!

Tammy has been a great listener for me too! That girl has some great advice and can read people like they are an open book waiting to be read! It's weird! But I love her for that and many many other reasons! Another main reason being that she has gone through alot of the same stuff as me when she was a child and while she was growing into a young adult! It's weird! I sure am glad that GOD sent her to me! Heck she is the reason I got the job I do .. she hired me when I first started! Weird how now we are at the same level when I started 2 positions under her!!

Latoya has called me like EVERYDAY (LOL! We actually are on the phone now) just to see how I am doing and let me vent about the stupid people I encounter in my life! Yet another great friend!

Oh and I cut my hair!!! Oh yea! I love to cut my hair REAL short like once a year! I did it last summer! Here are a few pictures to show you my new beauty!!!!

LOL! I love being silly!!!



But anyways ... moving on!

I am so excited .. I ordered some nightstands FINALLY!

I ordered them through I paid like $145 with shipping and handling!

They should be here tomorrow and hopefully they will come before I go to work so I can put them together! :)

And I hope I can pay like somewhere between $30-50 on them next pay day!

And then I want to get a vanity for in my bedroom!

Then I want to get dressers and a bookshelf!

Oh my I am getting so excited just thinking about it!

Although it will take me like a year to get these few items since I am so friggin poor!

But I figured if I can find a part time job SOMEWHERE and save whatever money I get from that job with the exception of when I may need some of it to pay bills or get groceries when I am struggling!

Then I can get a car and get a better job and get more furniture!


So I have a plan intact now to follow though!

As a matter of fact after I typed that sentence I went and filled an application at Turkey Hills website!

I figure I can work there 3rd shift and the hours won't interfere with pagoda!

Oh my the life of being an adult makes me wanna cry sometimes!


Well thanks to all of you for reading!

I hope all of you have a great rest of the evening and a fabulous friday!

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Holding My Head Up High

:deep breath taken:

The past few days I have had my ups and downs with my thoughts ...


I am alive and well!

I have actually had a good past couple days!

I have been putting a LOT of thoughts together!

Thinking about my job and finding something new and improved ... there is a new strip mall opening up near my mall (I say that like I own it or something LOL) and I have thought about trying to get a job there!

I have to wait and see what all is going in!

It looks to be like it will be a very big and successful strip mall!

ALOT of new stores for our area ... stores that I came across down south and LOVED!

We will be getting our first BEST BUY & Bed Bath & Beyond!


And our 2nd Ross dress for less!

We got our first one last spring or fall ... somewhere in there, I don't remember!


Then I think about how I want to move out of this town and start fresh!!!

I want a fresh new beginning!

And I have the opportunity to do so!

I just have to figure out if I want to stay with my company then look for a new job up there or what I would like to do!

:SIGH: the decisions ... the life of being a GROWN UP!!

Then there are the thoughts of needing to save for a car!!

Man does that one EVER get me down!

My job pays me enough to just pay all my bills!

It stinks something fierce!

Well I am off to get a lot of my cleaning done!!


I hope everyone has a great day ... HAPPY FATHERS DAY TO THOSE IT MAY APPLY!!!!

Thursday, June 14, 2007

This time it is for real!

even though the last time was a serious mistake ...

this time it's not!!!

Kori's "GIRLFRIEND" called me this morning!

The guy has lied to me about several things!

And now he is mad that I don't want anything to do with him!

He must want me to weep at his feet and tell him it's alright and we can still try to work things out!

He was living with this girl!!!!

Oh yea, but wait it gets worse!


He told me he owned his own business ... LIE!

He told me he was loaded (even though I KNEW that was a lie) ... LIE!

He told me he had four houses .... LIE!

He told me he was in part ownership of his mom's house ... LIE!

He told me that he was at Disney with his mom and 7 kids ... LIE!
(She was there with her 2 kids, it was him, his mom, her, his son, his son's sister, and his girls 2 kids)

I had a feeling for a while now that he had been lying to me and that he was cheating ... he has always been so very secretive!

Well I sure did find the truth today!

And I didn't hesitate to discard him like trash!

He came, I opened the door (on the phone so I had a witness), put my hand out said "Give me the jewelry" well he pretended like nothing was wrong and I told him NOT to come in my house or I was calling the police!

Well he wanted my phone cuz he wanted to talk to whoever it was!

So he hit me to get the phone out my hand!

then he pushed me to come in the apartment and I picked my cell phone up and called the cops!

His ass finally gave me the phone back when he realized I was serious about calling the cops ... at first he thought I was kidding then he heard me give them his information and my address and my info!

Then he was QUICK to hand me the phone back!

He was blowing my phone up and I won't answer so he finally left  a message and said his goodbyes!

He must think that if I see him in public I will say hi to him ... hahahaha WHAT A FREAKING JOKE!

I will turn my head as if I don't see him or know him and be on my merry little way!

I will be strong and move on!

I can do it!

Don't think I will sit here and mope around for some sore loser!

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Going through some struggles ...

But it's making me who I am!!!

I really don't know where to start.

The past few days have been a bit on the crazy side of things!

The highlight of it all though was my BFF came to visit me Sunday!

She lives 2 1/2-3 hours away and the last time I saw her was 4 years ago at her baby shower when she was pregnant with her first child (Her son)!

So before Sunday I had NEVER seen her kids in person!

And they are 2 & 3!

Cheyenne is 2 and will be 3 in a few days (the 21st)

Troy is 3 and will be 4 next month!

They are the cutest kids EVER!

I love them and miss them so much!

We all had a blast!

Kori came over too to meet them!

Here is a few pics ...


Here is mommy and daddy (Wally & Jessie)


Troy & I watching 'Open Season'


Troy, Cheyenne & I playing with Bubbles


Troy & Cheyenne playing bubbles


They thought they were cats!


Look at them kissing!!!! How friggin cute!!!


BFFS, Jessie & I


Just cute ol me!


Cheyenne & I


As far as Kori and I, I'm not sure what is really going on!

We had a nice long chat last night!

He really doesn't even touch me anymore ...

He used to love to cuddle on the couch ...

He won't anymore, when I cuddle up with him he gets up and moves to the opposite end of the couch!

He used to give me random kisses all day long ... he doesn't even kiss me goodbye anymore!

We hug and that is about all as far as our contact!

He doesn't even spend that much time with me anymore!

This hurts so badly b/c I care for him so much ... more than any other guy in my life!

I want things to work, but he is making it difficult to do so!

I don't want to lose him!

I am trying my hardest to prove to him how much he means to me and how badly I want things to work but it must not be working!


Work is just the same ol craziness it always is!!!

So I guess that is pretty much it!

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Random Thoughts

Well I have so so so so so so many thoughts just racing their way through my mind right now ..

1. YUMMY this mint chocolate chip ice cream is so yummy!!!

2. how come when someone ask you "how are you doing?" the answer is ALWAYS "GOOD" When you could really be going through some things!! Is it so you won't have to go through all the details, or b/c you want to seem like your life is PERFECT??? WHAT IS THE REASON???

3. Why am I so scared to try new things?? B/c I am afraid if I do it wrong I will look like a dummy!!

4. Why do friends get mad when you ask them if they are on their period?? Especially when they ask you the same question all the time when you are down and out or always crying?? I mean it is a natural woman bodily effect (I really didn't know how to put it)!!!

5. I wish that I could just punch some people in the face for being stupid, but not look like I am a constant fighter!!!

6. I wish I was at the beach right now ... BY MYSELF!!!

7. Best friends suck sometimes! (Not pointing any fingers ... so don't go getting all assumptive)

8. Life sucks BUT you have to deal the cards you are dealt!

9. Work sucks sometimes too!!!! But I love what I do!!

10. When is enough enough?? And how do you let someone know that when you say that you really mean ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

11. I wish I was a SAHM

12. Or even married

13. Heck even if I just had a kid (PLEASE NO LECTURES ... it's my life and I'll live it the way I want to ... I am 22 years old ... I am an adult and I know what is best for me ... and don't say I'm being selfish .. .cuz how would that be selfish ... I would be bringing a child in the world wanting to love them and give them anything under the sun ... is that not the same reason most of you that have kids, have kids??? (because you want to love them and you want to create a family) And please understand that when I say I want a kid I DO know now is not the time and I am not going to stop taking my pills or using protection I am just saying it is a feeling ... a feeling GOD has given me and I am trying to deal with it!!!) (Oh and I am not saying that I want to have a kid without the father in their lives because believe me I don't want my kids going through what I did as a child)

14. I gotta clean!!!

15. But I don't want to ..  I just got back from ridin Kori's FOUR WHEELER

16. I want to catch up on my DVR shows!!!

17. I want to eat a cooked meal tonight

18. But I don't feel like cooking it!

19. I love J-land

20. Especially since you all put up with my SH** so much!!!


OK I think I am done being random!!!


Monday, June 4, 2007

Closing Time???

I used to write in my journal daily ...

then I moved into my own place and couldn't afford Internet ...

then I was having problems with my PC working when it wanted to ..

then I had to fix my alerts ...

so needless to say after all that (it took about 8 or 9 months) ..

I LOST about 90% of my readers ...

I used to write here because I felt inspired and important ...

however (call my self-centered if ya want) I don't get much feedback anymore ...

So I have thought about this long and hard ...

maybe it is time to say goodbye to my journals ...

move on and write in a REAL paper journal ..

at least then I won't be expecting feedback ..

I just feel like I sit here and type my life away for no reason!

I do understand that you all have important lives (unlike me) ....

but out of all the readers on my list I feel I should be given more feedback then I do receive!

I still read close to 30 journals ...

I comment in just about every entry in just about everybody's journal ...

yes there are times I don't ...

I am at a lost of words ..

I understand that happens to all of us ...

but when I sit here and pour my heart out to all of you and I get no comments, that hurts my feelings ....

so call me greedy if ya want ...

I don't care ...

I wish everyone the best!!!

Friday, June 1, 2007

Cookie is home & I miss Kori!


Cookie came home today!!!

Lisa called and woke me up at 8 o'clock (literally on the dot) this morning to see if I wanted her to bring Cookie home after she dropped her kids off at school and before she had to be at work!

I said absolutely, I miss my baby!

He was gone for a week and a half!

You can call me corny and weird if ya want, I don't care ...

but my cat is SO human like!

He listens like a kid, so I talk to him like a kid.

I am really close to my cat.

He lays with me when I cry and gives me kisses!

He lays on my lap while I sit on the couch and watch TV.

He comes RUNNING to bed when I go to lay down for the night ... he cuddles up to my shoulder and he purrs crazily and we go to sleep!

Then he is there in my face first thing in the morning!

He is so much more than a cat!

I know people are a lot closer to their dogs than cats, but not me.

I think I am so close with my cat because I don't have kids or a family!

I don't care what people say about me being this way towards my cat!

I could care less what people say or think of me ...

and believe me it took me a long time to get this way about anything! (meaning what people think of me)



Kori was supposed to come see me yesterday but he had some MAJOR problems he needed to take care of so I didn't get to see him!

I missed him so much I cried a few times last night ...

just thinking about him made me cry!

I have been crying a lot lately too ...

I don't know why ..

not that I don't feel as strongly about him or anything else I may be crying about ..

I just am not sure if there is also something wrong with me!

Well anyways, then Kori was going to try to come see me today before I had to go to work ...

well that didn't happen either!

I miss him more than any words can say!