Wednesday, June 28, 2006

WHY? WHY? WHY?

Well it has been a rough few days for me .....

I am trying to find the positive ...

but it is really hard!

First of all ......

the doctor called me this morning and said that I need to come back in for another pap ....

yeah, how exciting for me?

j/k ... I hope everything is ok!

 

Next Mark had to help open a new store in new jersey ...

he left EARLY yesterday morning and had to be there today too ....

I don't know if he is leaving tonight or tomorrow morning ....

all I know is that I miss him ...

he didn't even call last night ....

or so far today! :(

I need to hear his voice just for comfort!

 

Lisa has been acting funny lately ....

she has been real distant ...

I don't know if I did something to her or not!

I feel like I have been this horrible person here lately!

To my friends and myself!

I even deleted the 40 journal alerts that I had ....

just too much going on and I can not keep up!

 

I have tried calling Lisa and she didn't answer the phone ...

but I know she NEVER hears the phone or she is NEVER home ...

she also was holding some money for me so that I would not spend it ...

it was my lunch money but I tend to spend it on other things if I see it in my wallet ...

so I gave it to her to hold until Thursday ...

but she had off today, and has off tomorrow and Friday ...

and I only have like $5.00 in my purse for lunch until she gives me my money back and I have NO idea when that will be .....

It's my fault I gave her my money and have no control over my spending problem!

I also thought that we were going to Lancaster today to get my nameplate ..... but I called her 4 times and she has not called me back yet!

I really think that I did something wrong!

I don't know what though!

OH WELL!

I give up on everything!

I have tried being a strong person, but I am just not fit for the title!

I think I will go cry myself to sleep early tonight!

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

You Wanna See WHAT?

Mark and I actually got to spend some quality time together tonight ...

which of course is ALWAYS like heaven on earth to me .....

He is so much nicer to me in person ...

maybe he really does just JOKE around a lot and when I am with him I can tell when he really his ....

but then on the phone I can not tell because I don't know him well enough to tell by his voice ....

only expressions that I can SEE!

That is my theory (for now) and I'm sticking with it! :)

I am just happy that we are still doing good ....

ever since our talk that we had (while my Internet was down, so I couldn't tell you all about it) we have been getting along GREAT ...

yes we still have bumps in our road .....

like in the movie Cars when lighting paves their road .... btw, if you have not seen that movie, please I am BEGGING you, go see it .... I don't care how old you are, I'm 21 and I went to see it and there are plenty other kids movies that I can not wait to release to the theaters!

(It's a good thing my best friend has kids ..... even though I have gone with another adult before to see a kids movie, without ANY child with us)

Anyhoo, I am getting off the subject here .... sorry .....

Mark and my relationship is a work in progress ....

it is tough, I will not lie, because not only do we need to work on our relationship, but we are still getting to know each other ......

I lovehow he makes me feel inside when I am with him .......

:) :) :) :) :) :) :)

Can anyone tell how I feel right now? :)

He came to see me at work .....

when I was not looking my best .......

or having the best day ......

but once I saw him ....

EVERYTHING was better! :)

He had to go do some things and I got off before he left so I told him to call me and he could come get me when he was ready so we could do something (we had plans since Monday that we were going to hang out today)

Well Nickey came to the mall and stopped to see me before I was getting ready to leave the mall ....

she told me to come over to her house and hang out for a while ......

so I did considering her and I talk on the phone all the time but never hang out ....

I have not been to her house in over a year!

Sad I know ....

and it's all my fault ...

so anyways ....

not even half an hour after I got there Mark called ...

so he met me at her house and we went to Dairy Queen for him to get a blizzard (I had ice cream before I left work ... it was FREE too)

then we went to see ...........

HOLD ON TIGHT TO SOMETHING ....

YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE WHAT I WATCHED .......

 

 

 

 

Are you ready yet?

 

 

 

 

 

 

X-Men 3!

 

I know I know I know!

I compromise for this guy like there is NO tomorrow!

He asked what I wanted to see and I named the movies I did not care for (X-men 3 being one of them) and he said that was the only thing he wanted to see ....

and I always say that I would do ANYTHING in my power to make him happy .......

so therefore I told him if that was the ONLY thing he wanted to see I would watch it ....

plus I know a few of you said it was good!

And I'll admit it was a good movie ....

I now want to see X-Men 1 & 2 ....

and Mark said three was not the last one ....

so if there is a 4 I want to see it!

WHAT HAS MARK DONE TO ME?

Monday, June 19, 2006

"You're Rude!"

Today we were busy at work ...

YEAH!

Just what I have been waiting for (A busy day)

other than a Saturday! :)

I had 72% of our goal in by 3pm when I left ...

I had a conference call at 5:30pm and Angela said that when she called for 4:30pm numbers we were at 93% .... but it slowed down after that because Tonia called me a little after 7pm and said that we were at 95% .... we still needed about $25

I hope she pulls it out!

 

N E Hoo .....

I had a customer ..... that I was EXTREMELY nice to, tell me that I was rude!

I won't put full details in here ....

but I will say this .... she thought I would stop helping whatever customer I was with to help her ....

WRONG ANSWER LADY!

I told Angela even if she was Britney Spears that I did not care and that she even would have had to wait her turn ....

I know of NO business that you get waited on BEFORE someone that was there BEFORE you!

Do you know of such a place?

I was with another customer and she kept getting my conversation with this other young lady to ask me questions ....

I finally get to help her (After I had already heard her say, "This is fucking ridiculous") and she gives me a major attitude the WHOLE time I was trying to help her ...

for NO reason ...

after I was finished with her ....

she asked me if I was the owner and I said no that I was the manager ....

so before I walked over to the next customer I waited ... I KNEW she had something else that she wanted to say so I stood there waiting ....

"Well you were extremely rude to us the whole entire time my daughter and I were here!"

(WHAT? Is she serious? ......... and I never even said anything to her 6 year old daughter .... well around that age, I really don't know how old she was)

I asked her if I may ask her how I was rude to her ....

"Sure, I'll tell you ..... "

and she continues to go off the handle, mainly because I didn't walk away from the customer that I was already with (and is one of our REGULAR customers) and come cater to her ass ...

OH Man I was pissed .....

I told her that I am sorry that she felt that way and I told her several times to have a nice day, but she wanted to continue to argue with me .....

I don't like when they do this .... especially when I already have another customer waiting for my attention ..... so I kept trying to walk away from her .....

eventually I did and greeted the next customer and she says (now mind you I CAN NOT control what others say) "I really hope that you can help because no where else in the mall can, and I promise i won't be like that lady!"

The rude lady heard her and turned around and said, "And that was fucking rude right there!"

Like I said it or something ....

I did not say a word .....

I said to the lady, "I am so sorry that you feel that way and that you are having a bad day, have a great day ma'am!"

UGHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I did nothing to make that lady mad at me like that ....

I know that you can not possibly please every single one of your customers in retail .... it's merely impossible .......

but Mark told me today how one of us customers were related to Nick Cannon and that he pretty much told them that he hated him and thought he was dumb ... and the customer really didn't say much .... his customer should have been telling him he was rude .....

NOT MINE!

I treated my customer with respect like I was all of my other customers, but she had a serious bug up her ass!

I think someone pee'd in her cherrios!

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Oh Where, Oh Where to start?

Well I am here to bare the life of me the past 2 weeks ....

not a whole lot going on ...

just work and sleep ...

i went to the doctors wednesday, I got put on the pill ... lied to the doctor ... I know not good not good ...

I started the pill today ....

I was happy to hear my alarm go off this morning to take my pill ....

i know weird huh?

Who ever said I was normal was lying to ya! :)

Mark and I had a major fight then we got back to talking becaue we had a serious talk ...

things went great (better than they EVER were) ...

but it did not even last a week .....

we have gotten into a few arguments since then .....

there are some things running through my mind that I need to sit down and really think about ...

then  I need to make a decision!

Well I still have not hired anyone ... I had a few interviews yesterday .... one bad and one good ......

and I want to set up an interview with one of the girls that works at express .....

she is my 1st choice .....

then the girl from creative touch is my second choice!

but I don't know ..... it might change due to some other reasoning!

I have been working 43-46 hours a week ..... 6 days a week ... only ONE day off .....

Tomorrow I start a 9 day straight work schedule until my next day off ...

I am so tired here lately that I do NOTHING ...

I am beginning to get lazy ...

which is really not good ....

anyhoo,

Tammy my old manager that had the baby in april is back to work, she came back last saturday ...

(for those of you that are newer here .....) she is not my manager anymore, she stepped down to be the manager of one store instead of two stores ... so I got promoted to being the manager at my store because she just wanted to be the manager of the other store location in the mall (which is where my best friend is the assistant manager)

So it feels a little weird for Tammy to be bak at work but not being my boss ....

it has REALLY sunk in this week that I am the manager ...

even though I have been in the position for 4 and a 1/2 months now!

I have been depressed lately ....

so I have been spending all my money ....

not good, not good!

I am really really mad at myelf for that!

I am hoping with all the bonuses I have been making and all the overtime that I will be able to save more and get out of here REAL soon!

I need to  ......

I am 21 soon 22 and STILL living at home .......

when i have a good job so I should be long gone ...

but i am not because I have a spending problem ......

I need classes or something to control my splurges!

 

I must go to bed for work tomorrow!

Saturday, June 17, 2006

I'm Back!

WOW!

I have been gone for quite some time ...

and not on purpose ... believe me I wanted to be here ...

so many days I wanted to be here but I could not ...

my internet has been down all this time ....

and as most of you know, the internet is my life!

So I have been bored out of my mind ....

I did hear from Melissa while I was out .... thanks again hunnie for texting me to see how I was doing, I really appreciated that! :) You are a truly GREAT friend!

I got Barb's CD ... and I have not gotten to listen to the whole thing ... but damn girl you got a voice ... you should have a record deal ... honestly! I love your voice!

I have missed every single one of you girls/guys so much!

I have felt empty .....

I just got home at 1:30am and wanted to see if the internet was working nad it was so I checked my e-mail to see how much I need to catch up ...

and let's just say, it seems like ALL of you had A LOT to say while I was gone .... I had 187 e-mails in just Yahoo .... then I had 38 AIM e-mails ..... I have about 120 alerts of journal entries that I need to catch up on now ... I will not miss an entry ...

if I don't leave a comment, don't think I was not at that entry ... I might just read them and continue to the end of your alerts and make a comment summed up, or e-mail you ... I don't know yet ...

I will not even get to start this project until probably sunday ... my ONE day off this week .....

Hopefully I can get it all done that day! :)

Cross your fingers for me please!

Btw .... I went to the doctor's wednesday, got my yearly exam and got put on the pills that I wanted and I start them sunday ..... yea, it just so happened that I got my period the morning of my exam ... just my freakin' luck!

Anyways, I'll try to write an entry tomorrow before I go to work of what has been going on the past 2 weeks!

Monday, June 5, 2006

Not Much Better

Well today was not too much better than the rest!

I opened today .... I just want to be able to sleep in ... is that too much to ask for?

I can't tomorrow because I have to work a double (9:30-9:30)!

I know I will be exhausted by wednesday .... my ONE day off this week!

Anyway ....

I had texted Mark last night and told him not to bother calling me back because I was going to bed and that I was in a really sour mood ....

normally when i say soemthing like this he will ask if I am ok and if there is anything he can do .... or whatever ....

well a whole hour went past before he had text me back and all he said was ok ....

well I tried to go to sleep but I had too much on my mind so i could not sleep .... so I layed in bed and watched the news ....

which I am glad I did so becasue there was a convist on the loose in my area ...

and I found out that they found him saturday night and he is back in jail .... so i now don't have to worry about that! YAY!

Well Mark called me .... so I answered the phone (I know even after I told him not to call) .... but that just showed that he cares ..... well I told him I was laying in bed and he asked if I was sleeping and I had told him no .... I said that I couldn't sleep .... of course he knows me all too well ... and said that he knew I would not be able too!

So we chatted for a while and we were both tired so we went to bed and I promised him that I would call him in the morning .......

So I called him once I got to my store and he was STILL sleeping so I said, "okay now I called do you want me to let you go so you can go back to sleep?"

He said no ... I asked if he was sure because he sounded really tired ....

it got real quiet and he said, "I already answered your question!"

And he said it really snappy!

So I told him, "I thnk you really need to go to bed because you are acting really moddy!"

He said that he knew I was going to say that ...

well no one was really talking ... so I told him I was going to ....

he got real pissed off and hung up ...

I shrugged my shoulders and said, "OH WELL!"

I then got my cell phone out ... thinking he did this to himself .... and text him and told him not to bother calling me back!

of course seconds later the store phone rang and I thought .... I am not answering that I know it is him and technically I do not have to answer the phone because it is before the store is opened and it's not even 9!

Well he then called my cellphone ........ he then text me and asked if we could talk ......

and I sent a little nasty text back .... so we argued and I ended up telling him that I thought it was best that we JUST be friends and stop trying to see if we can make a relationship .....

That hurt me REALLY bad .... but I think it is what is best for the both of us ........

I am hurting inside right now ... but I know that if it is meant to be then it will work later ... if not oh well!

It has been a pretty bad day because of that too ....... he kept calling me at the store ... he knew I could not avoid him there .......

Tonia told me he called while I was at Lisa's store too .... we will see if he calls after he gets off work ....

WHO KNOWS!

I just am tired of the stress and us fighting .... which I told him that I am tired of arguing with him ..... every other time we talk we fight .... and I am SICK of it!

He said that we just need space and that if we were to try for a relationship that it would have to be much later and I agreed

and he said that he also thinks that we are both looking for 2 different things right now and I agreed .... I'm not looking for anything .... but my space ....  I am TIRED of relatioship DRAMA!

I am so ANTI-GUY sometimes .... when I am not ready I am not ready! Bo doubt about it!

Sunday, June 4, 2006

Giving Up Hope!

     

(I stole this idea from my girl Melissa , Sorry ... I just thought it was cute)

 

Today was a boring day ....

Hunter ended up being with me at work ALL day today ...

and my dad is still not home and neither is my mom .....

He was pretty good though ... thankfully!

Ha ha  .... just as I wrote that he started acting up ....

and now we are not talking .....

because he can not listen to me and he ran and called our dad right away,

so now I am pissed because he treats me like shit and I do a lot for him

I could have told my dad, No that I was not going to watch him and leave it up to him what he was going to do with him .....

it's not my fault that he is 13 and can not be left alone because he is that bad!

 

Anyhoo .....

enough of my family DRAMA!

Mark is frustrating me beyond belief ....

I told him so .....

he was not too happy with that, but hey ....

truth hurts, don't it?

OH YEA!

He was asking all these stupid questions about the club last night

"Did you dance with any guys?" "Why not?" "Were you asked?" "How many guys hit on you?" (I told him NONE, and he didn't believe me) "Why?"

I told him I VERY RARELY get hit on .... like once every six months!

SERIOUSLY!

I just need to go take a LONG nap and not wake up for weeks ...

I need space away from EVERYTHING & EVERYONE!

      

Bad Week?

Well I think I am destined to have a bad week!

I did get to go out after work last night, I had 6 mix drinks ... I was not drunk but feeling good ... just a little buzz!

Let's see if I can remember everything that I had ....

2 apple martini, Sex on the beach, Bahama mama, Long island iced tea, Khalua (I know that's spelled wrong, I don't know how it's spelled) & cream ....

I can't believe I actually remembered all of them! :)

I felt so much better ....

I needed that!

Well today was supposed to be Latoya's last day but she called me on my way to the club and said that she could not work tomorrow!

Weird huh?

I have a few suspicions too .... but I can't prove so .... I'll keep those to myself!

So now I have to work today on my day off ...

and I have to take my brother to work with me (I don't mind, I love him to pieces... as most of you already know)

My mom was waiting out front for a taxi just as I came home last night and as I was getting out of Lisa's car her taxi pulled up and her and my brother left (12:20am) and my dad was at work ....

well I saw I had a missed call from my dad so I called him and he said that my mom was going to the hospital and that he was going to pick my brother up from the hospital and dropping him off at the house with me ....

my mom is still at the hospital and my dad had to go to New Jersey for a tow call, so my brother is with me until either my mom is released from the hospital or my dad gets a chance to pick him up between tow calls once he is back in York!

So I am prepared to have a FUN day today!

btw .... Mark and I are talking but it's not too much better than before! I told him yesterday that he is WAY to complicated for me ... I cried on the way to work ... I like him but he stresses me out to much! I can not seem to please him .... NO MATTER WHAT! I'M GIVING UP!

Friday, June 2, 2006

BAD BAD BAD DAY!

I had Such a bad day today that it is not even funny!

I woke up and started getting ready for work and I had a feeling that it was going to be a bad day ...

BUT I thought, I gotta brush this off my shoulder!

I gotta have a good day!

Well I on my way to work is when it all began ....

Latoya told me she would be 3 hours late today for work,

she told me she was quitting, her last day would be this sunday ...

which mind you is not a 2-week notice ....

AND that would just leave Tonia and I for working EVERDAY!

That would mean NO days off!

Which while I would LOVE that ....

the company would not allow it,

so I have to hire someone ....

UGGGGHH!

My first employee search!

How NOT exciting ....

Mark and I are not really talking ....

which is enough to make my whole WEEK bad!

I just have a lot on my mind and I have been forcing myself to sleep early the past 3 nights and I think I'll do so again tonight, so that will make it 4!

Thursday, June 1, 2006

Stressed Beyond Belief

Today started off good

we never did go to breakfast though, which I was really looking foward too ... oh well!

I went to my little man's graduation .... (well not technically mine ... as you all know I don't have any kids .... I just claim my friends)

it was really cute!

Only 3 of the kids in his class graduated,

some of them were still too young to move onto kindergarten!

After the graduation ceremony there were refreshments back in his classroom .....

Dontae goes to the preschool that is inside of a high school ....

Oddly enough it is the SAME high school that I graduated from ...

AND I was in child care so I was one of the student teachers in the SAME preschool ...

AND if that's not weird enough,

I was a student teacher there when Dontae's sister was in the preschool ....

YEA! Weird huh?

Then 2-3 years after Dejya graduated from the preschool I started working with her mom!

WEIRD!

Anyways, so going there today brought back MANY memories!

I got to see my two teachers ....

they are always so excited to see me whenever I was there with Lisa to drop Dontae off ...

and they were EXTREMELY excited to see that I came today to see the graduation ceremony ...

Mrs. Kohl said, "I was hoping you would come today, but I didn't think you would be able to!"

I told her that orginally I was to work, but now that I do the schedules, I changed them around JUST so I could have off today to see him graduate!

It was sad in so many different perspectives

1. Dontae graduated and is now on to the BIG BOY school
2. I won't be able to see my old teachers as much anymore (I can go back and visit but it will not be as often as I got to see them now because of Dontae going to school there)
3. My high school is being remodeled and they are tearing down the preschool part and redoing it, so it will not be the same the next time I do see it!
4. I sat in the library part to eat our refreshments and it reminded me SO much of when I went there .... and how now I don't talk to ANY of the girls that I was in class with .... we kept in touch for a long time afterwards but I got into disagreements with all of them about one thing or another ... except ONE which I told mrs. banks today that I miss her VERY much! And another one of them just sent me a wedding invitation for her wedding this month (that's a another story for another time)
5. It reminded me that I graduated FOUR years ago already! I feel like I just graduated last year! HONESTLY! (my 5 year is next summer .... if my class president organizes something ... who knows with her)

So my morning was FANTASTIC!

after we left the school we went to the mall and Dontae's dad was spending all kinds of money on him because it was "HIS BIG DAY"

Donate got 2 pairs of sneakers and some sweat bamds from FOOTLOCKER, another pair of sneakers & 2 hats from FINISH LINE ... then we went to Toys 'R' Us and he got 3 gameboy games and 4 action figures ....

his dad was even thinking about getting him the XBOX (not 360) but Lisa and I told him that was kind of a big thing to be getting today, that it was more of ax-mas gift (Especially since Dejya would have been SO jealous)

Then I came home and I have just been thinking about how my life really STINKS in SO many areas!

I am not blaming it on anyone else either,

because ONLY I am responsible for my actions and my life is what I make it!

I have just been down the past 2 days and I HATE being down!

I think I have TOTALLY pushed Mark away from me ...

and honestly I really think that is a GOOD thing!

How sad is that?

The song Letoya Luckett "torn" reminds me SO much of how I feel about Mark!

(you can go see that AMAZING video here)

 

Lets see what else did I want to write ....

oh I bought a new bathing suit yesterday ....

and I NEVER spent this much on a bathing suit, but I really liked this one!

Can you guess how much I spent on it?

 

$52.50!

I know crazy Huh?

But I will get an additional 10% off of that on sunday, Lisa paid for it with her stuff and she has a coupn for sunday to get 40% off and she is going to take her receipt back and get a price adjustment! So it will come out to about $45!

Which is still a lot, but I really reallylike it ...

it does not show my FAT stomach at all!

It is like a tank top and the bottom piece has a skirtaround it so it covers part of my fat thighs!

I will have to take a picture and post it ....

NO the picture will NOT be with it on me ....

I HATE the way I look in ANY bathing suit ...

so there is NO way I am putting it in here!

 

Yesterday Lisa and I went to Lancaster after we dropped Donate off at school ...

I had money saved up to get a nameplate,

so I got one with Tinkerbell on it, and behind my name it has black rubber (to help it from bending) with multi-colored glitter in it ....

 I go to pick it up the 12th ....

I am SO excited! :)

 

I guess that's all I have for now

Have a great night everyone

(what's left of it anyway)