Saturday, November 17, 2007

Never would've thought

So I gotta say two years ago when I started journaling here I never thought I would see the day that I would see my life here where it is at right now!

I prayed to god the other day and just started bawling my eyes out. He has changed my life in so many ways the past 2 years. I am very blessed is all I got to say!

I am such a happier person than I was 2 years and some odd months when I started writing here in what we call j-land!

I am so very very grateful for all that god has offered me!

Okay so what has changed since I was last here a little over 2 weeks ago??

I got my baby ....

my brand new 2007 Chevrolet cobolt sedan ... in the most beautiful color on the market today .... blue granite metallic!!!


I am so happy!!!

Happier than I have EVER been!

I have also realized that I am SO incredibly happy that I am single right now as well!

I have never in my life been so happy about so many things at once!!!!


I just wanted to tell you all the great news ... some of you might get an e-mail too just because I don't know who still has my alerts on and I know some of you missed my last entry.

I have to get to bed now!!

Thanks for all the love and support as always everyone!!! :)

Thursday, November 1, 2007


So what do you think this entry is about???



one guess and if you get it wrong ... just click the big white X in the red box,lol



Because if you don't guess right then you don't know me AT ALL!!!  LOL!!!



So you picked your single guess???



You ready?????





Ok!!!! Here goes....




I took my drivers test today and .....





I PASSED!!!!!!





So next thursday I am going to look for my car!!!


I am so excited!!! 


Okay so I really need to go to bed but I just need to tell all of you that because I know all of you wanted to know!!


THANKS for cheering for me and all the support!!!



Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Just a little note

I am so mad ... I wrote an entry and it got deleted!!!! GRRR ...... So here is the short version of what I wrote!!!


I scheduled my drivers exam for november 29th and rescheduled it for this Thursday at 8:30am!!!!

I am so excited!!!

I will write an entry and let everyone know what happens!!!

Thursday, October 18, 2007



I can legally drive now!!!!




I am so exicted that I almost cried when the guy handed me it!!!


My life is onto bigger and better things!!!! :)

Pray that I will be able to get my license within the next month!!!!

Friday, October 12, 2007

My life is spiraling out of control

Sometimes I think that my life is FINALLY coming together ....

then it is grabbed from me quicker than I can realize it!

I thought getting a second job was going to get me somewhere!

I have gotten a lot of furniture for my apartment and paying on my bills!

But my goal was to save it!

I need to open a savings account then I will be okay!

I got a raise at pagoda!

But here comes the kicker ....

I still have not gotten my permit because the day I was to go for it I realized the night before that I really do have the dumbest mother (and her boyfriend)!

My dumb A** mother decided to laminate my birth certificate and social security card ... and you are not allowed to .. and PennDot (the DMV) will not accept it! So I was not going to be able to get my permit!

So I got a new social security card but am waiting for a new birth certificate (which will take sometime since I was born out of state)! And I had to wait to find out where my mom was born b/c I didn't know and I don't talk to her so I had to wait for other people to ask her and get back to me! Plus I was not sure what county I was born in!!!


Because then I also realized that I needed a physical and have my doctor fill a form out!

So I had to wait FOREVER for her to fill it out and now I never have time to go pick it up!

So I have been practicing driving but no permit!!!

I am starting to get discouraged about my license and car!

I have not drove in the rain, snow (obviously), or tried to parallel park.

I am beginning to think I will never get ANYWHERE in life!

Sunday, September 2, 2007

Just a brief update

So I have been getting a lot of e-mails asking where I have been!?!

I have been living the crazy life!!!

My best friend is having some tough time that I am trying to help her through!

I am now working 2 jobs!

I go for my permit this week!

I am saving for a car!

Work has been crazy!

I am trying to stay in contact with my family and run a personal life all at the same time!

So I just have not had time to sit here at the pc and write entires!

I am really sorry! I wish I could be back in my old habit of reading and writing daily!

I will try to keep everyone updated!! :)

I love all of you and appreciate your concern!!!

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Being A Manager S&*@%!

So I have to have a mandatory store meeting every year for re-training of how to pierce ears!


Not a problem ... at least there never was before!

Then came today!

I planned a meeting and someone has a problem with it!

She don't like the time cuz she has to get up early!

Uh it's the same time as if she had to open on any other day!

So what's the problem?

I have no idea!

She tried guilt tripping me and saying how she has to get up early and has to travel!

Uh, not my problem you choose to transfer, you knew you would have to travel!

I do appreciate her, but I am sorry I am the manager and this is all I could do!

I have to have the meeting by a certain day and she knows that!

We canceled last weeks meeting because she was out sick!

So don't try guilt tripping me!

I'm not the one for that crap!

I have done plenty of things I didn't want to when I was the key sales and assistant manager ... it's what happens when you are not the manager!

When you work hard and have been there as long as I have then maybe you can earn the title and rights I have!

But until then I am YOUR boss and we do things my way!

Not saying I never do things to accommodate them, cuz believe me I do!

I worked two 12 hour days this week to accommodate them, one was sick saturday and the other couldn't come in so I stayed open to close .... then yesterday one had to get surgery and the other one had plans so I stayed open to close again!

Yet I am to feel sorry becasue you have to come to work for a 8 and a 1/2 hour shift?

UH sorry NO!

I don't feel sorry!

I just worked a 48 hour week!

So no I don't feel sorry!

My boss got up at 5:30 the past two mornings (and didn't even get home til 8:30pm yesterday) so she worked more than me and she is not complaining!

It's the job we choose!

This job did not come knocking on our door, we went and looked for it!

I am sick of this crap!

I feel like no matter what I do for my staff I can't seem to please them well enough!!

I'm sorry I am poor and can't run contest and such like I should and want to!

I'm sorry I am not PERFECT!

I'm sorry I am not like your old boss (which BTW got fired) and is loaded (humm, wonder why) and could do whatever you girls wanted!

I'm sorry she didn't care about the policies like I do!


Thursday, July 12, 2007

Explaination to last entry!

Okay first off let me start by saying a few things ...

1. Thanks for all your concern, it really means a lot to me! That is the reason I write here in AOL journals! You people are so amazing

2. Sorry vicki it took me so long to get here lol, my assistant called and we had to go over some things!

3. I'm sorry I was random in my last entry. I just needed to vent and I thought it would make me feel better, but it didn't!

Now onto explaining the last entry .. (and what happened this past weekend with meeting my daddy)

Okay! The last entry was written because of what happened this weekend so I will start there!

My daddy came into town sunday afternoon and he came to my house as soon as he got into town and I'll just tell you this, when I opened my door to greet him and his g/f, I was so shocked that I didn't know what to do!

I usually am a very emotional person, but I think from all the other crying I could not cry when he got here, although I felt like I wanted to!

So we talked and I showed him my apartment then we left!

It was on to surprise my grandparents!!

They had NO idea he was bringing me over, they knew he was coming but not me!

So we get there and I layed down in the backseat in case they were sitting outside and they were not.

But as soon as anyone pulls in the driveway my grandma comes out!

So she came out as we were getting out the car, so I hid behind my grandparents van! Then my dad put his arm around me and walked from behind the van and she had NO idea who I was so she just kept talking to my daddy!

Then my daddy said to her, "Do you know who this is?"
"This is Theresa!"
"OMG Girl! Get up here {she was on the porch} and give me a hug and kiss! I missed you so much! It is really good to see you!"

It got very sentimental, although I could still not cry .. I was all cried out!!

Then my grandpa and Uncle Nate was on the side working on the tractor so we walked over to say hi and I got the same reaction from my grandpa and Uncle!

It finally felt so good to be appreciated and loved by my own blood! I was so happy to see them!

Later that night I was blessed to also see my aunt Margaret and great aunt Marie {where I got my middle name from}!

Those two were so happy to see me to!

I was told by the whole family that I better NOT disappear like that again! Although they understood that it was not in my control in the first place!

I was given all my aunts and uncles phone numbers and address' and told not to be a stranger!

So there goes the outcome of the reunion!

Now as for the funeral ... my mom came of course .. and she started a HUGE scene at the funeral parlor .. about my daddy being there!

She got us kicked out cuz she would not just shut up!

So we all went outside and talked and she finally calmed down (surprised the heck out of me, I thought she was not capable of being calm)! Then we all went back in and it was all fine!

She played that she really cared about me "Theresa I love you, I miss you!"

For many of you who don't know how my mother is let me explain something ... she is VERY vindictive, lying, immature (even at the age of 48), etc.

She ONLY did that because I was with my daddy! Had I came by myself or with ANYONE else, she NEVER would have talked to me that day!

So I just gritted my teeth and just didn't say anything there!

Well I figured she was alright with everything .. then she called me tuesday night(the day after the funeral) and said she was going to kill herself b/c I was talking to my daddy!

Oh yea, that's my mom! That's how I know the lady!

I KNEW she would not be able to handle this!

She called me and A**hole! Said all I do is think of myself, I am such a horrible person/child etc. She told me she wants nothing to do with me now, she is giving me ALL pictures that have me in it, she doesn't want anything of me!

Yep this is how I know my mom and for her to act over MY life!

I told her I am 22 years old and if I feel like talking to my daddy then I am! She don't have to talk to him and love him up, I just want him and his family to be a part of my life!

My sister is pissed .. nothing new eh?!?

She was already pissed at me and hating me for almost 2 years!!! So what has this changed? NOT A THING!!!

So now do you see the psycho's I deal with in my family?

I seriously don't know how I deal with it sometimes ... and how did I come out so much better when this is what I was surrounded by? {hence my last entry .. I felt like I just couldn't take it anymore and I should just disappear and start a BRAND new life somewhere far from here and not talk to ANYONE, not even my friends when I left}

I have more I could say about the weekend but this is long enough so I will end it here ....

As always thanks for reading and enjoy the day!!!

(Currently listening to ~ Rihanna ~ Shut Up & Drive)


Tuesday, July 10, 2007


I just had to say






FINE, consider me gone!!!!


Friday, July 6, 2007

I talked to my dad!!

So I just got off the phone with my dad!

Man was that ever scary!!

He really sounds sincere!

But I mean I have been HORRIBLE at judging people!

Let's hope this one is one that I am right about!!

Hearing his voice was actually kinda soothing!

Who would've thought!!

I have two pictures of him and I when I was REAL little, here in front of me on the desk by my monitior (they've been they almost all day)!

He looks so innocent in those pictures!

He looks like an innocent daddy!

I miss him holding me and calling me his little girl

And me standing on the edge of the couch to give him kisses goodbye when he walked out the door for work!

My dad went to jail before I started school so I was home to say goodbye everyday!

I miss him and love him more than I really ever thought!

He was so happy to hear my voice!

I felt loved by a family member for the first time in a very very long time and I almost started crying!

We didn't get to talk long because he was running errands so he could come this weekend to be here for my grandfathers funeral (which is monday)!

Here is a clip of our convo that really gets me stirred up as I replay it in my head .. anything in {} is what I said in response to him!

He said "Theresa you sound just like my sister! {who Aunt ruth} And I know I haven't seen you in a long time {17 years} but hopefully I can this weekend {are you coming to grandpa's funeral?}!"

He said he is trying really hard to get everything done so he can come!

I hope he can!

Do you know how good it would be to see him after 17 years??

I know my mom and sister is going to be extremely pissed off!

My mom won't ever want to talk to me for sure now!!!
(shoot probably even my sister)

She will never want me as her daughter ..

I can't help it, I need my daddy!

I need to be a grown up and have my family!

I am SICK of being a lonely person and EVERY holiday I hear everyone talk about how their family had a get together and I sit at home every holiday and do NOTHING!

I get depressed and cry every holiday!

I can't be that person anymore!

I just can't!

Plus my mom don't talk to me now as it is ... more my choice than hers ..

She has caused me enough pain to last me a lifetime!

So her getting mad at me and not wanting to talk to me ever again probably would be the best thing ever!

I tried to forgive that woman and she took advantage of me time after time after time .. and well I am sick of it now!!

I mean I forgave her and I forgave him ... I may not understand his at all ... but I know people change and I am trying to give my daddy the benefit of the doubt! So it's only fair I forgave him, she had her turn and destroyed it! And if he does then I guess I will be back at aquare one with no one!! But I gotta give him a try!!

My dad, oh my that makes me cry just to say that or even type that and it really be my dad and not my mom's fiance!!

Anyways my dad is suppossed to call me back later tonight!

He was driving when I called him!

I am still scared but I really feel this is the beginning of a new and beautiful thing!

Tears have been falling from these eyes for the past 3 or 4 hours off and on!

Today was a very trying day but yet a good one!!

But there will only be more to come ... I mean we only talked for about 5-10 mins.

So there is SO much we need to discuss!

I know he is happy!! I just know it! I could hear it in his voice!

He said that I had answered his prayers!

So we shall see ...

stay tuned for more info!!!

Currently listening to Pink ~ Family Portrait


And in case you never this song ...

Here is a video with the lyrics

Oh and look below at the last entry ... I called his parents too!!!

Phone call to paternal grandparents!!

This is so hard for me!

I knew this would be hard but I guess I didn't think this would be the result!!!

I called my paternal grandparents and no one answered the phone and I didn't know how to explain myself on their answering machine so I hung up!!

I got scared and just hung up!

Then I thought this is NOT how I want it to be so I called back and got the machine again ...

so I left probably the STUPIDEST message ever and sounded like an idiot trying to tell my own grandparents who I am and why I am calling after 17 or 18 years!!

I feel like such a dummy!!

This is so so so hard!

I mean I knew it would be hard but I guess I was not expecting to hang the phone up and start bawling! And I can't stop! I stop for a little and just start back up again!

Especially when I replay myself leaving that message!!

What if they don't call me back??

What if they heard that message and thought, "Gawd we are not calling that idiot back!!!"

What have I gotten myself into???

My aunt told me today that when my sister finds out I am calling my grandparents and our father she is going to be pissed ....

well she can be ....

but it has NOTHING to do with her ....

I am my own person and I really think I need this!!!

I miss and love my daddy!

I know how could I miss this man when he did what he did to my family??

I don't know but I do!!!

How could I love him either??

I don't know!

I have ever since I was little and never stopped!

This hurts so bad!!

I think more than anything else on the planet!!!

I would NEVER wish this upon anyone EVER!

This is so horrible!!

I feel like I can't breathe!!

Oh and this is only the beginning b/c in 2 mins I am calling my dad!!


I can't handle this!!!

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

It's over!!

There are so many things running through my mind right now ..

and I can't express them through words at all ..

Today was a day I will never forget!

I watched him take his last breath and my grandma lose it because of it!

We were never really close but he is my grandma's husband ... the  least I could do was be there for her while she goes through this tough time!

My aunt Eileen actually spoke to me while we were there and she is the one that brought me home too!

Now many of you don't know this but we hate each others guts!!

Her and I lived together a while back and she went psycho and I moved out and we have not been able to repair our relationship since!

Today was definitely a trying day for me!

My eyes burn so bad from all the crying!

I will never forget watching him take his last breath!

Watching them take him off the medicine and infibulator (I'm sure I spelled that wrong) and letting him do everything on his own and watching the end of his life just roll around!

I'll never forget him opening his eyes and me telling him I was there and that I loved him!

I'll never forget how he tried to talk to us before they took the tube out and we couldn't hear a thing he was trying to tell us ... it was all a matter of guessing!

I'll never forget seeing him lay there in all that pain he was in!

I'll never forget him and his last breath!!

R.I.P. Grandpa (Richard Morris) I love you!!!

The last thing I want you to know grandpa was that you had the best support team ever there with you today! Grandma loves you more than any words or actions could show!! She misses you more than any of us do!! After 38 years of marriage (And 40 years all together) you two have had your ways and you and her may have said somethings you didn't mean when you two were mad at each other, but you both loved each other very much!!


OMG!!! I can't believe this ...

ok so my moms fiance just called me and told me my grandpa (my moms stepfather) has 24 hrs to live!!!

We were never close .. I mean he never really did anything for me ...

but he is family and I am sad and shocked about this ..

I feel I need to go pay my respects and say my final goodbye!!!

I don't want to be selfish!!

I feel I owe the family that much!!!

Monday, July 2, 2007

Just a simple hello!!!

ok so well here goes!! LOL!

So I knida feel silly today ...

don't know why I just do!!

yesterday was a good day!!!

I ended up making $30 this weekend doing small tasks!!

I am kinda upset though about my friend only paying me $5 when I watched her daughter from 12:30am-2:30pm and I fed her and all I got was $5!!!

It's whatever though!!

I just won't be a babysitter for her anymore!

I mean I understand she is going through some tough times but so am I and I can't afford to be feeding more mouths than my own!

But I learned my lesson!

My assistant called today and invited me to a cookout on the fourth!

I went to the pool yesterday!

Lisa and her kids came over so we went swimming for over 2 hours!!!

I was so wore out that I just came home and we watched a movie (Happily N'EVER after) and I fell asleep watching it!

So please don't ask how it was lol!

I plan to watch it today cuz I really did want to see it!

I also want to see "Everyone's Hero" and maybe a few others!

I am such a little kid!!

AH well!! I don't care!!!

Here are a few pictures of yesterday!


Taleea posing!!

Dejay helping Dontae

My BFF swimming, Lisa!!!

Just me here today writing to all of you!! hehehe!!!

(currently listening to Mya ~ Lock You Down)

Saturday, June 30, 2007

Small jobs for some dough!!!

So my moms fiance called me yesterday and asked me to type up to letters onto this fire police letter head for him ..

I figured what the heck!

So I did it ...

Thinking even though there is really nothing in it for me, I have a hard time saying no ... and there have been a few times he has taken me to wal-mart for groceries!

So I typed them up in like 15 mins.

This morning he called and woke me up at 10:30 something and normally I would be getting up around that time if not sooner but i was up past 2 talking to my friend from high school ...

Anyways, back to the point ....

He called to ask me if I could type some more stuff up and I thought "Are you kidding me???"

But I said yes ..

Well he tells me the fire police captain is going to be paying me for this ...

then I thought "Ok bring whatever he needs typed over and I'll do it!"

So my moms fiance gets here this afternoon and hands me the simplest thing to type up ...

Seriously it took me like 5-10 mins.

And I got paid $20 just to typethose 3 simple papers up ... that only took me like no more than 45 mins. total!!!

I was sitting here thinking "Shoot I'll type them a monthly newsletter if they want ... what else they got .. .I could use this extra money!!!"

So there was an easy $20 and Lord knows I need all the money i can come acrossed right now!

If I ever want to get a car and my license then I need more money ...

I mean I do live on my own and I got a letter from my apartment complex and my rent is going up ....

Now it may not be going up a whole lot but still money is money for me right now!

So I have been thinking ...

I gotta call Turkey Hill monday and see if they reviewed my application and if they are hiring, if not then McDonalds is right acrossed the street from my apartment and they are hiring and I figured if I just work there 3-5 nights a week for the shift 7pm-12am (one of the shifts they are hiring for) then there is some money there coming in .... if not then I can apply at wal-mart for third shift and work like 4 nights a week!

I gotta do something here ... My job is just NOT paying me enough to be a manager!

And I really am trying to get my life in order!

So if it means wear myself out for a little while then so be it!

I gotta do what I gotta do!

I don't want to do this, but I know if I want to get anywhere in life that I HAVE to do this!

Believe me I just wish I could just FALL into a couple hundred dollars so I don't have to do this but I know I can't wait for something that just will NOT happen!

I am a grown up and I need to take care of myself cuz NO ONE else will!

OH!! And one of my friends called tonight and asked me to watch her daughter and her friends daughter for some money .. so I was like heck yea .. bring the girls over!!!

So I shall be babysitting for a little tonight!

Hey I'll be getting paid a few bucks .. and I need it!

So in conclusion ...

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE everyone pray for me ... pray that I can find a job and have the strength to keep up with it and that I can save for a car soon ... like before the end of november!

I NEVER ask you to pray for me (OK actually I have like 4 times at most) but I only ask when I really need it ... so Please pray for me .. I really do hate asking but I really need the strength to be able to do this ... and I know God knows this!!!

Thanks for reading and enjoy your weekend!



OH FYI: I updated my "other journals" section ... If I missed someone please let me know and leave your link with your comment! Thanks!!!

My Vaca!!!

So well my vacation started yesterday!

Well it has been okay I guess!

I mean I am not going anywhere!

But I am supposed to do something with a few of my friends ...

Lets see if they hold to it ..

I doubt 2 of them will ..

One I know will for SURE! (WAVES FRANTICALLY TO Angela .. I am so excited about our lunch and seeing the new house)

I have just been really relaxing!

I really need that!

I have been really stressed lately!

And I am really sorry I have not been to anyone's journal in like a week ... everyone was writing too much for me to keep up and I had so many alerts I just had to delete them all today! SORRY!

My moms fiance came over tonight  .... I swear he gets on my nerves sometimes really bad!!! UGGGGGGHHHHHHH!

Then he was complaining about my mom and why he never wants to be home and neither does my brother and I simply replied, "Now you see why I moved out and why when I was there I was never home either! I can't stand that woman!"

I mean I mainly moved out b/c it was time for me to grow in new areas and become a grown up!!!

Plus that house was just not healthy forme!

I am trying to get my brother to come over for a few days of my vacation .. I figured I'll be home the WHOLE time he is here so he will have to listen!! :)~

I have so much on my mind, yet can't get it to come to my fingers!?!?!

Well I guess I will end this here!

Thanks for reading and I love ya all!

Have a great rest of the evening and great weekend!


(Currently listening to ~*~*~ Hilary Duff - Stranger)

Sunday, June 24, 2007

I figured out God's destination for me!!!

Well or so I think! LOL!

So I was in the shower thinking today!

Yea, FYI: I do ALOT of my thinking in there!

Anyhoo, I figured it out!

Not all of it, but the main part of it!

I figured God has not made love work for me yet for the simple reason that he does not believe I am ready for that!

He wants me to grow in other areas first!

He knows that if he sent me love I would be too focused on that to be able to focus on some of the other important things in my life!

He wants me to FULLY focus on me getting my license, a car, a better job, going back to school, etc.

So he figures (my guess) that if I get all of this taken care of then I can focus on love!

I am so happy I am able to think positive after this jerk did what he did to me!

I sure have to keep my head up high!

I WILL be successful!

NO ONE OR NOTHING will bring me down!

I will remain on top of my life!

Thanks for reading and have a great rest of the sunday evening and have a fabulous monday!!!!

Thursday, June 21, 2007

My Life Update

I wanted to listen to an old song when I was writing this entry and I saw this song in my folder, now it may not be OLD OLD but it is from last year so it's not new and I thought it was time appropriate with how I feel!!!

So if you want watch it!! FYI: I kinda stole this idea of embedding my vidoes from Emily at Emily's Purple Pages ... Sorry and thanks Em!!! :)~




My life has been kinda crazy!

My BFF and I are not really talking ...

my choice not hers ...

she really didn't do anything major, I just need my space and I thought she would understand but then today I got some nasty e-mails from her and a few IMs! I mean there really is more behind the story but I won't get into it here!

They do always say that you see who your true friends are when you really need them and through this tough time that I am currently encountering I really was surprised to see who was and was not by my side!

Lisa has been there for me ALOT! She has listened to me rant and rave and curse and cry and she just listened (on the phone most of the time) and when she and the kids were here she consoled me more ... I bawled my eyes out a few times just at the fact that (call me conceited if you want I don't care really) I am a nice girl and I did noting for him or anyone to do such a HORRIBLE thing to me .. oh FYI: I found out there were THREE, yea count them again 1 2 3 girlfriends! I am guessing I was 2! I know Jenn was before me, but I have NO idea where or when the other girl came into play! Oh and the third girl is in denial, she don't believe that Kori is cheating on her! She really believes she is the only one! Well better her than me! I am glad that I have my sense still intact and am not insane to think she would randomly call me and lie to me about such things especially with the way things add up! But whatever! He is out of my life! And I sure am SO glad about that!

Tammy has been a great listener for me too! That girl has some great advice and can read people like they are an open book waiting to be read! It's weird! But I love her for that and many many other reasons! Another main reason being that she has gone through alot of the same stuff as me when she was a child and while she was growing into a young adult! It's weird! I sure am glad that GOD sent her to me! Heck she is the reason I got the job I do .. she hired me when I first started! Weird how now we are at the same level when I started 2 positions under her!!

Latoya has called me like EVERYDAY (LOL! We actually are on the phone now) just to see how I am doing and let me vent about the stupid people I encounter in my life! Yet another great friend!

Oh and I cut my hair!!! Oh yea! I love to cut my hair REAL short like once a year! I did it last summer! Here are a few pictures to show you my new beauty!!!!

LOL! I love being silly!!!



But anyways ... moving on!

I am so excited .. I ordered some nightstands FINALLY!

I ordered them through I paid like $145 with shipping and handling!

They should be here tomorrow and hopefully they will come before I go to work so I can put them together! :)

And I hope I can pay like somewhere between $30-50 on them next pay day!

And then I want to get a vanity for in my bedroom!

Then I want to get dressers and a bookshelf!

Oh my I am getting so excited just thinking about it!

Although it will take me like a year to get these few items since I am so friggin poor!

But I figured if I can find a part time job SOMEWHERE and save whatever money I get from that job with the exception of when I may need some of it to pay bills or get groceries when I am struggling!

Then I can get a car and get a better job and get more furniture!


So I have a plan intact now to follow though!

As a matter of fact after I typed that sentence I went and filled an application at Turkey Hills website!

I figure I can work there 3rd shift and the hours won't interfere with pagoda!

Oh my the life of being an adult makes me wanna cry sometimes!


Well thanks to all of you for reading!

I hope all of you have a great rest of the evening and a fabulous friday!

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Holding My Head Up High

:deep breath taken:

The past few days I have had my ups and downs with my thoughts ...


I am alive and well!

I have actually had a good past couple days!

I have been putting a LOT of thoughts together!

Thinking about my job and finding something new and improved ... there is a new strip mall opening up near my mall (I say that like I own it or something LOL) and I have thought about trying to get a job there!

I have to wait and see what all is going in!

It looks to be like it will be a very big and successful strip mall!

ALOT of new stores for our area ... stores that I came across down south and LOVED!

We will be getting our first BEST BUY & Bed Bath & Beyond!


And our 2nd Ross dress for less!

We got our first one last spring or fall ... somewhere in there, I don't remember!


Then I think about how I want to move out of this town and start fresh!!!

I want a fresh new beginning!

And I have the opportunity to do so!

I just have to figure out if I want to stay with my company then look for a new job up there or what I would like to do!

:SIGH: the decisions ... the life of being a GROWN UP!!

Then there are the thoughts of needing to save for a car!!

Man does that one EVER get me down!

My job pays me enough to just pay all my bills!

It stinks something fierce!

Well I am off to get a lot of my cleaning done!!


I hope everyone has a great day ... HAPPY FATHERS DAY TO THOSE IT MAY APPLY!!!!

Thursday, June 14, 2007

This time it is for real!

even though the last time was a serious mistake ...

this time it's not!!!

Kori's "GIRLFRIEND" called me this morning!

The guy has lied to me about several things!

And now he is mad that I don't want anything to do with him!

He must want me to weep at his feet and tell him it's alright and we can still try to work things out!

He was living with this girl!!!!

Oh yea, but wait it gets worse!


He told me he owned his own business ... LIE!

He told me he was loaded (even though I KNEW that was a lie) ... LIE!

He told me he had four houses .... LIE!

He told me he was in part ownership of his mom's house ... LIE!

He told me that he was at Disney with his mom and 7 kids ... LIE!
(She was there with her 2 kids, it was him, his mom, her, his son, his son's sister, and his girls 2 kids)

I had a feeling for a while now that he had been lying to me and that he was cheating ... he has always been so very secretive!

Well I sure did find the truth today!

And I didn't hesitate to discard him like trash!

He came, I opened the door (on the phone so I had a witness), put my hand out said "Give me the jewelry" well he pretended like nothing was wrong and I told him NOT to come in my house or I was calling the police!

Well he wanted my phone cuz he wanted to talk to whoever it was!

So he hit me to get the phone out my hand!

then he pushed me to come in the apartment and I picked my cell phone up and called the cops!

His ass finally gave me the phone back when he realized I was serious about calling the cops ... at first he thought I was kidding then he heard me give them his information and my address and my info!

Then he was QUICK to hand me the phone back!

He was blowing my phone up and I won't answer so he finally left  a message and said his goodbyes!

He must think that if I see him in public I will say hi to him ... hahahaha WHAT A FREAKING JOKE!

I will turn my head as if I don't see him or know him and be on my merry little way!

I will be strong and move on!

I can do it!

Don't think I will sit here and mope around for some sore loser!

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Going through some struggles ...

But it's making me who I am!!!

I really don't know where to start.

The past few days have been a bit on the crazy side of things!

The highlight of it all though was my BFF came to visit me Sunday!

She lives 2 1/2-3 hours away and the last time I saw her was 4 years ago at her baby shower when she was pregnant with her first child (Her son)!

So before Sunday I had NEVER seen her kids in person!

And they are 2 & 3!

Cheyenne is 2 and will be 3 in a few days (the 21st)

Troy is 3 and will be 4 next month!

They are the cutest kids EVER!

I love them and miss them so much!

We all had a blast!

Kori came over too to meet them!

Here is a few pics ...


Here is mommy and daddy (Wally & Jessie)


Troy & I watching 'Open Season'


Troy, Cheyenne & I playing with Bubbles


Troy & Cheyenne playing bubbles


They thought they were cats!


Look at them kissing!!!! How friggin cute!!!


BFFS, Jessie & I


Just cute ol me!


Cheyenne & I


As far as Kori and I, I'm not sure what is really going on!

We had a nice long chat last night!

He really doesn't even touch me anymore ...

He used to love to cuddle on the couch ...

He won't anymore, when I cuddle up with him he gets up and moves to the opposite end of the couch!

He used to give me random kisses all day long ... he doesn't even kiss me goodbye anymore!

We hug and that is about all as far as our contact!

He doesn't even spend that much time with me anymore!

This hurts so badly b/c I care for him so much ... more than any other guy in my life!

I want things to work, but he is making it difficult to do so!

I don't want to lose him!

I am trying my hardest to prove to him how much he means to me and how badly I want things to work but it must not be working!


Work is just the same ol craziness it always is!!!

So I guess that is pretty much it!

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Random Thoughts

Well I have so so so so so so many thoughts just racing their way through my mind right now ..

1. YUMMY this mint chocolate chip ice cream is so yummy!!!

2. how come when someone ask you "how are you doing?" the answer is ALWAYS "GOOD" When you could really be going through some things!! Is it so you won't have to go through all the details, or b/c you want to seem like your life is PERFECT??? WHAT IS THE REASON???

3. Why am I so scared to try new things?? B/c I am afraid if I do it wrong I will look like a dummy!!

4. Why do friends get mad when you ask them if they are on their period?? Especially when they ask you the same question all the time when you are down and out or always crying?? I mean it is a natural woman bodily effect (I really didn't know how to put it)!!!

5. I wish that I could just punch some people in the face for being stupid, but not look like I am a constant fighter!!!

6. I wish I was at the beach right now ... BY MYSELF!!!

7. Best friends suck sometimes! (Not pointing any fingers ... so don't go getting all assumptive)

8. Life sucks BUT you have to deal the cards you are dealt!

9. Work sucks sometimes too!!!! But I love what I do!!

10. When is enough enough?? And how do you let someone know that when you say that you really mean ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

11. I wish I was a SAHM

12. Or even married

13. Heck even if I just had a kid (PLEASE NO LECTURES ... it's my life and I'll live it the way I want to ... I am 22 years old ... I am an adult and I know what is best for me ... and don't say I'm being selfish .. .cuz how would that be selfish ... I would be bringing a child in the world wanting to love them and give them anything under the sun ... is that not the same reason most of you that have kids, have kids??? (because you want to love them and you want to create a family) And please understand that when I say I want a kid I DO know now is not the time and I am not going to stop taking my pills or using protection I am just saying it is a feeling ... a feeling GOD has given me and I am trying to deal with it!!!) (Oh and I am not saying that I want to have a kid without the father in their lives because believe me I don't want my kids going through what I did as a child)

14. I gotta clean!!!

15. But I don't want to ..  I just got back from ridin Kori's FOUR WHEELER

16. I want to catch up on my DVR shows!!!

17. I want to eat a cooked meal tonight

18. But I don't feel like cooking it!

19. I love J-land

20. Especially since you all put up with my SH** so much!!!


OK I think I am done being random!!!