Friday, July 6, 2007

I talked to my dad!!

So I just got off the phone with my dad!

Man was that ever scary!!

He really sounds sincere!

But I mean I have been HORRIBLE at judging people!

Let's hope this one is one that I am right about!!

Hearing his voice was actually kinda soothing!

Who would've thought!!

I have two pictures of him and I when I was REAL little, here in front of me on the desk by my monitior (they've been they almost all day)!

He looks so innocent in those pictures!

He looks like an innocent daddy!

I miss him holding me and calling me his little girl

And me standing on the edge of the couch to give him kisses goodbye when he walked out the door for work!

My dad went to jail before I started school so I was home to say goodbye everyday!

I miss him and love him more than I really ever thought!

He was so happy to hear my voice!

I felt loved by a family member for the first time in a very very long time and I almost started crying!

We didn't get to talk long because he was running errands so he could come this weekend to be here for my grandfathers funeral (which is monday)!

Here is a clip of our convo that really gets me stirred up as I replay it in my head .. anything in {} is what I said in response to him!

He said "Theresa you sound just like my sister! {who Aunt ruth} And I know I haven't seen you in a long time {17 years} but hopefully I can this weekend {are you coming to grandpa's funeral?}!"

He said he is trying really hard to get everything done so he can come!

I hope he can!

Do you know how good it would be to see him after 17 years??

I know my mom and sister is going to be extremely pissed off!

My mom won't ever want to talk to me for sure now!!!
(shoot probably even my sister)

She will never want me as her daughter ..

I can't help it, I need my daddy!

I need to be a grown up and have my family!

I am SICK of being a lonely person and EVERY holiday I hear everyone talk about how their family had a get together and I sit at home every holiday and do NOTHING!

I get depressed and cry every holiday!

I can't be that person anymore!

I just can't!

Plus my mom don't talk to me now as it is ... more my choice than hers ..

She has caused me enough pain to last me a lifetime!

So her getting mad at me and not wanting to talk to me ever again probably would be the best thing ever!

I tried to forgive that woman and she took advantage of me time after time after time .. and well I am sick of it now!!

I mean I forgave her and I forgave him ... I may not understand his at all ... but I know people change and I am trying to give my daddy the benefit of the doubt! So it's only fair I forgave him, she had her turn and destroyed it! And if he does then I guess I will be back at aquare one with no one!! But I gotta give him a try!!

My dad, oh my that makes me cry just to say that or even type that and it really be my dad and not my mom's fiance!!

Anyways my dad is suppossed to call me back later tonight!

He was driving when I called him!

I am still scared but I really feel this is the beginning of a new and beautiful thing!

Tears have been falling from these eyes for the past 3 or 4 hours off and on!

Today was a very trying day but yet a good one!!

But there will only be more to come ... I mean we only talked for about 5-10 mins.

So there is SO much we need to discuss!

I know he is happy!! I just know it! I could hear it in his voice!

He said that I had answered his prayers!

So we shall see ...

stay tuned for more info!!!

Currently listening to Pink ~ Family Portrait


And in case you never this song ...

Here is a video with the lyrics

Oh and look below at the last entry ... I called his parents too!!!


misscarberry said...

I used to cry listening to Family Portrait, being a latchkey kid and all. I really hope everything works out between you and your dad. I don't want to ruin your mood, but please, please be careful at the funeral. Emotions will be running high so don't take everything that it said to heart.

I bet your dad is going to be so proud at how you turned out

Love Sam xXx

nightmaremom said...

Good for you!  I'm happy and hope it turns into what you are wishing for

z7snowflake said...

im glad that you got to talk tour dad and it went good. *hugs* I hope it is the beginning of a great father daughter relationship!

eml625 said...

I am so glad you called your dad. This is so good for you. Dont even worry about your mom or your sister. They need to deal with this anger , not you.
You need your family. You know what will make you happy.


tristannmbr2 said...

That is awesome!  :)  Today is Monday so your grandpa's funeral is today and I am praying you get to see your dad, and I am praying for your grandma to be strong today!  And you!  What a good vacation!  (For the most part)  :)
Hugs and love ya!

therealslimemmy said...

im so glad that you talked to him!

mrscammoman316 said...

Crap sorry I didn't comment I read this one when you wrote it but prolly didn't comment cause I was already way ahead of the game with knowing details & such, well you know what I know & you already know what I have to say so there lol