Well I am feeling a little bit better ....
I called and made an appointment to look at an apartment on thursday ....
I go at 10am .... Lisa is coming with me!
I am so excited ....
to be out of my parents and taking the next step in my life ....
I feel like a real grown up now! :)
How silly huh?
Mark and I have been getting along pretty good .....
he is ready to take our "friendship" to the next level ....
but I want to skip right out of friendship and move to the next level of a relationship with him ...
he said he is not ready to have a girlfriend but he said he does want to make me his g/f just not right now ....
he is focused on other areas of life right now ....
which I told him I fully understand and I am not hurt at all by what is happening!
I told him that when we go to the next level that I want to know that once it is done he will not stop talking to me once he gets what he wants!
He said that he would not do that, and I do believe him but at the same time to me this next step is A BIG thing for me ....
I don't JUST sleep with people! It takes A LOT for me to sleep with a guy!
He is texting me right now as I type this asking me why I won't!
I get too emotionally attached to guys and sleeping with him but knowing that is it it WAY too hard for me to do ... knowing that it would just be casual sex, it won't work for me, I'll get upset too easily!
GOSH!
I want to be his girl but I guess God will make it happen if and when it is supposed to!
Until then I need to sit here patiently and wait ....
wait for God to make everything happen when the time is right ...
it just hurts right now saying no!
But I know this is the right way to go ...
I know that I can't have friends with benefits ...
I need a boyfriend!
I think that has to do with something from my childhood past that has happened to me, but I will not get into that right now!
God please give me the strength!