Tuesday, August 1, 2006

Making A Major Decision!

Well I am feeling a little bit better ....

I called and made an appointment to look at an apartment on thursday ....

I go at 10am .... Lisa is coming with me!

I am so excited ....

to be out of my parents and taking the next step in my life ....

I feel like a real grown up now! :)

How silly huh?

 

Mark and I have been getting along pretty good .....

he is ready to take our "friendship" to the next level ....

but I want to skip right out of friendship and move to the next level of a relationship with him ...

he said he is not ready to have a girlfriend but he said he does want to make me his g/f just not right now ....

he is focused on other areas of life right now ....

which I told him I fully understand and I am not hurt at all by what is happening!

I told him that when we go to the next level that I want to know that once it is done he will not stop talking to me once he gets what he wants!

He said that he would not do that, and I do believe him but at the same time to me this next step is A BIG thing for me ....

I don't JUST sleep with people! It takes  A LOT for me to sleep with a guy!

He is texting me right now as I type this asking me why I won't!

I get too emotionally attached to guys and sleeping with him but knowing that is it it WAY too hard for me to do ... knowing that it would just be casual sex, it won't work for me, I'll get upset too easily!

GOSH!

I want to be his girl but I guess God will make it happen if and when it is supposed to!

Until then I need to sit here patiently and wait ....

wait for God to make everything happen when the time is right ...

it just hurts right now saying no!

But I know this is the right way to go ...

I know that I can't have friends with benefits ...

I need a boyfriend!

I think that has to do with something from my childhood past that has happened to me, but I will not get into that right now!

God please give me the strength!

5 comments:

z7snowflake said...

Wow...the "Next Step"....you know what i think that ur doing the right thing, I think if he's not ready to be ur man then he is not ready to have ur body either, he cant just pick and choose which parts of you he's ready for, its ur body. He's just horny and he wants things the way he want it but hey, he's not ready to give u what you want so why should u sacrifice what you believe for him. I think thats even wrong for him to even pressure u like that when he's not willing to give of himself in a big way, yet he expects u to just give him something thats important to you and you know what, if he really cares about you he'll wait until your ready, please dont let him pressure you. The "Next Step" is a relationship. Thats what you need, so you wait for it. And if he cant wait, then all that says is he cares more about sex than you. So stand your ground girl. Your worth waiting for.

therealslimemmy said...

oh i'm so excited for you i remember when i went apartment shopping!
LOL
its so much fun to go look at all the setups they have in those places :)
ttyl
<3, emily

eml625 said...

I'm glad your taking things slow with Mark. The apartment, is awesome, I that works out for you!!
hugs,
Ellen

misscarberry said...

Woot!! Good going on the apartment front! I'm not saying anything about Mark, I split up with B today :( so men pretty much suck to me right now ;)
Love Sam xXx

bmorrrick said...

Congrats on your new apartment.  I have to say, in my opinion, you are very smart to not let him pressure you....take it slow hon, if he's the right one, then he will want a serious relationship, like you do....

Take Care,
~Bilinda~