Friday, May 19, 2006

The Anger Bulit Up Inside Of Me

Well so as always things have to crumble before my eyes in something that I care so much about!

Mark and I are NOT seeing eye to eye ...

and honestly this time .....

I don't think we EVER will again ...

and that just tears my heart into a MILLION little shreds!

I cried this morning when talking to Lisa about this ...

and I will try my hardest to hold it in again!

I am trying my hardest to keep my cool!



Elizabeth, Mark, and I went out to dinner last night after work ....

we had just finished eating and got the bill and Mark had to step outside for a call because he could not hear inside ....

well Elizabeth went to the bathroom and I paid the bill then waited for her to come out ... it was a single stall ... she came out, I went in ....

she boxed up the left overs and Mark had still not come back in .... I saw him standing outside by a pole thingy (I can't think straight) and it didn't look like he was on the phone anymore!

Elizabeth and I came out the door and just as we came out a girl was coming in ...

Mark was standing there holding a purse and a cell phone .....

Looking all stupid ...

Elizabeth and I looked at him like, 'what the hell is going on?'

He said, "I can't go anywhere!"

Elizabeth and I, "WHY?"

Mark, "Because this chick just went in to get a pen and handed me her purse to hold!"

Elizabeth and I (again at the same time), "WHY?"

Mark, "Because she wants my phone number!"


(chick comes out with a pen in hand) ....

CHICK, "OKAY, What is it?"

Mark, "***-****" (The stars represent his number)

(As I stand there dropped jawed that he gave her his actual number and not even a fakie!)

The chick walks away after taking her purse ....

Mark looked at me and said, "WHAT?"

Me, "Well that was definitely interesting! Definitely not something you see often! I can't believe you just gave her your number! You didn't even act like nothing was wrong about that or try to make up a fake number!"

Mark, "Well what was I supposed to do?"


Mark, "I don't know how to make up phone numbers! I don't know how to!"

(side note: he told me last week about a girl that wanted his number and he told me that I must be crazy to think he gave her his real number, he said he made up a number! That I must not know him well enough if I didn't know that)

Elizabeth, "You should have told her 'don't you see that I already have two beautiful women and I couldn't possibly handle another?'"

Mark, "I should have said 'this (pointing to me) is my girl! Ask her for the number!'"

Me, "So why didn't you?"

Mark, "are you mad at me?"

Me, "I'm speechless!"

So Elizabeth gets in her jeep and we get in his car (she's following us back to his place for him to get changed, for us to go for a ride in her jeep together)

WE get in his car ...

Mark, "Are you mad at me?"

Me, "I really don't know what to say, I mean I can't believe you just did that!"

Mark, "Well I AM single so I CAN give my number to whatever girl I want to!"

I have a tendency to hide my feelings of being mad at someone because of my past as a child ....

which I know is a habit I need to break and I am working on!

(Mark is calling now, and it's killing me not to answer ... my heart is killing me)

So I told him that I was not mad several times .... until finally I gave in and told him yes ....

I told him I know if I did that to him he would be PISSED beyond belief!

I told him that I also could not believe what his response was!

Mark, "What response are you talking about?"

Me, "The I'm single and can give my number to whoever! I mean I know you are but ...."

he had cut me off and a few other words were exchanged .....

I asked him a question (I can not remember what exactly it was, I know it was something along the lines of why do you think I'm acting like this?)

and his response was, "Because you care about me!"

There was dead silence for about a minute ...

Mark, "hello?"

Me, "yea?"

Mark, "why are you not saying anything?"

Me, "what do you want me to say to that?"

Mark, "Well is that not true?"

Me, "yes it is! I do care about you Mark and that's why this hurts me!"

We exchanged a few other little arguments and it got quiet for about 5 minutes ...

Me, "Well I'm going to bed!"

Mark, "Sweet dreams, call me when you get up in the morning okay?"

Me, "whatever!"

Mark, "Have a good night"

I hung up as he was still talking though!

I vented to Kayli about it ... which happens to be someone he knew from before either of them worked at the mall .....

she wanted his number .... she asked for it a little while after we talked about it so I didn't think too deep into it ... I just figured she wanted to talk to him about some other things ... so I gave her his number ....

She called him to yell at him for doing that to me ... she told him that I didn't tell her, that Elizabeth had told her and that she was pissed that he had done such a thing to me!

He called me at the store a little after 12, we exchanged a few angry sentences and I had a customer (THANK GOD) so I told him that I would call him back!

I never did ....

I am hurting!

I am SICK of relationships ...

I am such a nice person (or so I'd like to think),

yet I continue to be treated like crap ....

and it is always in the beginning ...

which I guess is a good thing ...

I guess God does not intend for me to fall in love ....


bhbner2him said...

OH, baby matter how it hurts way better to find out now than sometime down the road.  Yes, technically he's single...but he's allowed you to feel special.  And it's just tacky while on a date anyhow.  I really think he is nothing more than a player.  

Let's start praying today that God lead you to the person he has in mind for you at the right time.  That he have you prepared for this person and that he helps you recognize him when he crosses your path.

In the mean time, just enjoy yourself and enjoy people in geneneral.  And it's often much easier to find something when you are not looking for it.  ;o)  -  Barbara

therealslimemmy said...

you know what look at it as a blessing you found this out now...and not later.  i know you dont want to hear it now but there are always other people if mark likes to talk to other girls or what not shy shouldnt you talk to other guys? right?
i'm sorry you are hurting right now
things will get better ok
<3, emily

z7snowflake said...

Im so sorry that Mark did that to u. That is so screwed up and the fact that he is acting like he did nothing wrong makes it even worse. Then on top of that he never even apologized.

eml625 said...

Oh sweety, I am sorry. That was a shitty thing to do in front of you.
Are you guys just hanging out? Dating? He thinks he's single, do you?


bmorrrick said...

Oh Theresa,

I'm sorry you are so sad and having such a difficult time.  I honestly can't figure this guy out....he seems to care for you and seems very interested.....but this whole thing with the other girl and the phone episode is UNBELIEVABLE!!!  I realize that you are in the beginning phase of dating, but you DON'T give out your phone number to a girl when you are on a date with another girl!  If he doesn't see what he did wrong, if he is that clueless.....I'd tell him to "take a hike", personally.  You are a great girl, an honest one, and you DESERVE the best....if he can't treat you better than this, he isn't good enough for you!  If you choose to try again with him, I'd lay down a few ground rules....of how you expect to be treated.  Don't sell yourself short hon, if you don't stand up for yourself, no one can for you....give respect, but also expect respect for yourself.  He will respect you much more if you don't let him get away with this BS....understand?  Hope this helps you....and good luck!!


misscarberry said...

Awww sweety, that must have been so hard. Me, I would have head butted both of em and then never have spoken to him until the trial LOL. Relationships are hard but what he did what stupid, especially as he did it in front of you. But you gotta think, is he doing it behind your back? You need to tell him that he needs to choose you or the single life, losing him now would be easy than going through this for the next month or so. Be strong and remember we're here for you.
Love Sam xXx