Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Reality Check!!!!

So while I was at work today thinking about how I thought my life was horrible ...

It hit me!!!!

My life really is not THAT bad.

I mean yeah I don't drive, I never have money, I am having trouble finding the love of my life, I don't have a family, etc.

Those are really minor compared to what problems I used to have and to what other problems others may be going through!

For those of you who have been reading for a while or Jessie who I have known for almost 8 years ...

Do you remember when I was living at home????

Remember when I was ALWAYS depressed????

Remember how BAD my face broke out all the time from stress????? (and not eating right)

Remember how I didn't know how much I could stay living with my mom, her fiance and my brother cuz I thought I would end up killing myself????

Remember how I was never home????

Remember how I NEVER ate??? (for multiple reasons)

Remember how I would work ALL the time????

Remember how I would find reasons to be out of the house????

Remember how I would lose sleep cuz of it being so hot???

Well I was thinking today ...

I am so ungrateful!!!

How is it so easy for us to become used to the things we have and we get greedy and want more then we get it then we want more????

I wanted my OWN apartment ... I got it!!!

I wanted my face to be clear ... I got it!!!!

I wanted to get brand new nice furniture .... I got it!!!!

I wanted a guy to love me for me ..... I got it!!!! (may have screwed things up, but I got it)

I wanted to feel comfortable with just being ME around him and NOT feeling embarrassed when I'm around him .... I got it!!!!

I sat back and had my REALITY CHECK today ... I realized I got so much that I should be proud of!!!

God sure has given me a lot within the past year!

So why am I sitting here pretending God must have punished me and wants me to suffer and pretend like I have nothing to be proud of?????

I hate when I get 'comfortable' and become greedy, wanting EVERYTHING!!! (becoming the HUGE ol' jealous person)

I have also been thinking of what one of my readers said to me ...

Maybe I should stop worrying about guys for awhile ....

And she was right!!!!

And as much as I like Kori and want things to work ...

Maybe it's just not meant to be!

I prayed to God last night and asked him to please give me the strength to choose the right path, to allow me to make the right decision.

And if it means letting Kori go, then please give me the strength to move forward and not be so heart broken and weak over it!

I did have someone ask for my phone number the other day ...

It's kind of a funny story ...

I won't bore ya with it though!!!

But even though he was not my type for several reasons, it sure was nice to know that guys still find me attractive and want to get to know me more!

Even though I really don't want to get to know any other guy, cuz Kori really does have my heart ... and I don't want to take it from him or share it with anyone else!

I just know that NO MATTER which way God guides me ...

I will try my hardest to not be ungrateful and just know that he is doing this for the best reason possible!


z7snowflake said...

I think that we all loose sight of how far God has brought us sometimes but I'm glad u realized it and are trying to improve, so yay!, lol doing great. :)

nightmaremom said...

:) I'm glad you are better today.  You are a strong girl and I know you'll bounce back bigger and better!

mrscammoman316 said...

Yes the other 2 readers are right, sometimes that jealous green eyed monster rears its ugly head and we do become ungrateful, you reminded me of how much I have and have not really been to thankful for. I'm so glad you got the "reality check" that you wanted. And whatever you decide to do about Kori I'm behind you 100%!

my3gifts said...

I'm really glad I sat on my hands the other day and let GOD do his work on you!!
It's good that you can recognize that although you don't have everything you desire, that God's given you a great many blessings already and with patience he'll show you so many more blessings.