Friday, May 25, 2007

My life really is in a shitty place right now

excuse my language in the subject ...

but I feel like no matter what I do something is always holding me back!

I feel like I am not meant to move forward!

I have tried to show Kori how much I want to be with him and I don't think he really cares!

I don't think he wants to be with me anymore!

I am not sure I really care anymore ..

I can only try so hard and anything beyond that is out of my control!

And I am not going to sit here and beg anybody to be with me!

I am sick of trying to make guys see how good I can be to them and much I want to be with them and they just brush me off as if I am nothing but a piece of trash!

(yet there are girls that are unfaithful to their men and they end up with multiple guys and happiness out the a** ... how is that fair to us faithful honest good-hearted people .. we always get pushed to the side!)

It's hard not having REAL friends close to you!

Its hard not knowing when you will have money again!

Its hard seeing everyone around with a family and you have nothing!

Nothing but a HUGE OLE DEPRESSING LIFE!

No one completely understands where I am coming from!

not everyone has to worry about walking home 2 hours in the complete dark and not having anyone that gave two shits if something happened to you cuz of it!

Not everyone understands what it is like to ride the bus and not have money for it

Not everyone knows how it is to not know when you can buy some groceries ...

Not everyone knows what it is like to love someone so much and them not care back

NO ONE has all these SAME problems I do at once like I do! (plus some)

Not everyone knows what it is like to have NO ONE to borrow a few dollars from to help you get buy until you have some money ...

not everyone knows what it is like to be 100% completely on your own ...

meaning NO ONE to help you when you get in a jam either ..

I mean like you have $13 for two weeks and that is for groceries, bus trips, lunch/dinner at work, laundry money, etc and have NO ONE to give you $40 until you get paid in two weeks!

That means that when I am broke, I am broke .. with no back up plan!

How am I EVER going to save for a car????

how am I ever going to survive??????

You tell me that ... tell it to my grave ......

4 comments:

nightmaremom said...

Hey hon.. I know you have strength... you do.  Been there done that.. all that you say.  Don't you dare give up the fight something will happen.. change.. just because a door is shut doesn't mean another won't open.  Keep the faith
hugs
d

z7snowflake said...

im so sorry. :(

my3gifts said...

Donna said it perfectly. Theresa it's obvious life is hard, but you DO have friends who care and who are praying for you most importantly. You have a job that you enjoy and that's a good thing in your life.

Sweetie you may not like this but maybe it's time to stop with the guys for now and just get life in order for yourself. You will never be 100% happy with yourself or your life and when you are happy it doesn't mean things will be perfect. You're young though, you're smart, you have a great deal to offer this world. Most importantly Jesus is in your corner, even on the darkest of days he's holding your hand.

I'm praying for you.

mrscammoman316 said...

I agree with the other 2 comments, I know you are strong b/c you wouldn't have made it this far!