Sunday, January 7, 2007


So after typing that entry last night I thought to myself, I have to make my life better!

I know love comes to those who are not expecting it!

But I still can not help the fact that I feel empty inside!

I feel that I need to feel that hole!

But anyways, I watched some t.v. ..... knowing my luck all that was on was love movies ... save the last dance and love don't cost a thing!

I went to sleep finally around 2:30am and what do expect other me to have a dream of Mark!

I never had dreams of him and I when we were talking ...

only now that we have stopped talking I have dreams all the time!

I had a dream that he kept rubbing it in my face that he has began talking to another girl and he don't need shit from me anymore, he slammed his door in my face.

And in reality he really is talking to another girl .... and he started talking to her BEFORE him and I stopped talking ........ and she knew of me, but I had NO clue about her! She knew my name and everything!

I think maybe that's why this is even extra hard!

Because knowing this chick knows everything about me, but I know nothing about her, except what I found on her myspace page!

I don't want to care about them two, I don't want to care about him, I don't want to crave a relationship ...

but for some reason I am!



bhbner2him said...

We all crave connection and relationships of all various sorts.  That's how God designed us.  He gives us all family, and that fills the void to one point or another depending on the family we are given.  And as we go along we find friends and aquaintances and that fills another little piece.  But at some point in time, we crave, we need more!  That is so that we will search for God and come to Him for THAT relationship.  If we do, and we put our relationship with Him FIRST it will do much to heal, direct, and grow the relationships we already have with family and friends.  It will bring new relationships with other Christians in our lives.  All of this works to make us more whole and complete so that we can have that SPECIAL relationship with someone of the opposite sex.  Now quite often we get all of this out of cinq, out of order.  And it causes us pains, heartaches and disapppointments.  But the wonderful thing is it is never too late to loosen the harness and put the horse in front of the cart, so to speak.   -  Barbara

my3gifts said...

I couldn't have said it better than Barbara. You will truly NEVER find this void in your heart until you start searching for GOD and allowing him to fill it for you. He WANTS to fill it for you. He wants to be YOUR MAN. You are his bride and he's right there waiting.

Have you thought about going to a nearby church and start attending. Many church's now have groups for singles, which are not dating services, but allows you to surround yourself with other single people who are Christians or are searching to know Christ and have that void that is in their own hearts filled.

You're in my prayers.


therealslimemmy said...

maybe it would help if you found something you like to go never know but you might meet someone there that likes the same things.
that is so important because its hard to keep eachother happy when your too different.
hope that you are hanging in there....dont let your dreams bother you...i think when things are on a persons mind constantly during the day they tend to keep our minds thinking about stuff when we are sleeping.
talk to ya later
<3, em