Thanks a lot everyone for all your kind words!
I really needed it!
I have been down the past week really bad,
I miss being here in j-land on a regular basis ...
but with things as crazy as they have been
and my computer not working for weeks at a time, it sucks and I really could not get on here!
I think I am going to either get my brand new couch and love seat this pay day OR get my brand new bed set ...
I'm not quite sure which one though!
i was thinking maybe I'll just pay on my couch and love seat (It's on a layaway plan)
and buy my desk AND bed!
Then the following pay day get my couch and love seat off layaway!
Things will soon be here and I soon can laugh and smile again!
I was talking to one of the girls that i hired this season to work for me just for Christmas (I knew her from working at one of the other stores 2 years ago), anyways she said I can buy her car!
So I figure maybe, depending how much she wants for it, I can buy her car this summer!
Then I can get someone to teach me how to drive!
My mom's fiance called me tonight ...
when I moved I never told them where I was moving to, and I kind of lied to them, about what apartment complex it was ....
I didn't want my family to know where I was living!
Well tonight my dad said (Out of nowhere), "It's not a good idea to have your brother over there!"
I responded, "Why?"
"Well, I thought the point was for no one to know where you live?"
"Well people already found out where I am living anyways!"
"Well I thought you knew from when I called the cops!"
"Well didn't they give my address?"
"No just your name and phone number!"
(side note: I called the cops a few weeks ago because of my annoying neighbor for ALWAYS blaring his music all hours of the day and night! And well when i called the police gave my name and number over the scanner ... and my dad has a scanner in his living room, bedroom, tow truck, and his jeep! He heard my info. and called me and asked me why I called the cops!)
So my dad knows and does not seem to upset about me keeping where I live a secret!
When i still lived with my parents, Lisa and I would always see my dad out on tow calls ...
now he said to me tonight, "It's funny cuz now I always see Lisa on RT. ** by herself!"
I said,"Yeah, and she is probably on her way over here!"
"She takes ** to your house?"
"yep! ** to ** Rd. then she takes the back roads from there!"
He was trying to get me to tell him where I live exactly in a sneaky way, but I was not falling for it!
He even said, "DO you live in those apartments across from McDonald's?"
Which is a BIG FAT LIE!
I can walk to McDonald's from my house, I can look out my windows and see it!
But I am firm on him not knowing where I live, at least for a little while longer!
He even asked me why i am not working on my license!
I told him it's because I don't have anyone to teach me ...
I was trying to make him feel guilty ..
I've been asking him since I was like 16!
And he keeps making up excuses!
But it's all good!
I will buy a car and have someone to teach me, and HOPEFULLY I will have my license and car by next Christmas!
That is my main goal right now .... besides my furniture for my apartment!
Then I figured after jan. 2008, I can get another part-time job and then go back to school ...
i want to school now for medical billing! (OR paralegal, I'm back and forth, but I'm leaning more towards medical billing ... I think scrubs are cute HA HA)
So I have BIG goals planned out for me, and I plan to follow and succeed them to the best of my ability!
I will be successful!
i will be different from the rest of my family!
None of them really did anything with their lives!
I refuse to be like them!
That's whY i don't talk to any of them ....
well my mom's fiance calls every now and then, he told me that I am to cal him at least once a week and let him know I am ok, but I don't because me and him are not as close as we used to be, I am closer to him than my own flesh and blood mother, but it's still hard!
He did call me this year for my birthday ... and when I lived at home last year, he never said anything to me that WHOLE day!
So I think me moving out has proved to him that I can do better than they think, and honestly all my friends see that he KILLS my family to see my happy and making it own my own!
They were surprised when they found out it was by myself, with no man or roommates!
They thought I was moving in with my best friend, and I said, "No it's all by myself! NO ONE ELSE!"
My mom's fiance stood there in shock!
My mom still would not say a word to me, not even, "Congrats hunnie, I am very proud of you!"
No instead when i was packing one day I heard her on the phone saying to our neighbor, "She won't make it! She can't do anything in life! She is nothing but a failure! She has no concept of life!"
This coming from the woman that lets her man cheat on her and treat her like crap and does nothing but lay on her ass and eats nothing but fatty foods and refuses to get her license (47 years old and NEVER had it) because she says that she wants people to drive her around, she refuses to leave her man because she says that she does not want to live on her own and struggle, she wants money, she does not want to pay bills. She refuses to eat or drink healthy! The woman is CRAZY!
Yet she says that I am a failure and knows nothing about life!
I eat A HECK of a lot healthy than her, I pay ALL my bills by myself, I don't mind being by myself! I am working on my license because I DO NOT want people to drive me around for the rest of my life!
I want to take trips out of town by myself whenever I feel like it!
I want to be able to repay Lisa back for all the rides she has given me!
I want to be FULLY INDEPENDENT!
I am not asking to rich and famous and have a fabulous house and car ...
just a car that gets me back and forth and my apartment is good enough for me!
Well enough of my ranting and raving!
Thanks for coming to see my journal, even after being gone for well over a month!
It really means a lot to me that all of you stopped by, it took the tears from my eyes and turned them dry and made my frown a smile to see that someone cares!