Monday, July 10, 2006

Extended Venting!

I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea from the last entry ...

I could not write everything that I wanted to since I was getting ready to go out the door when I stopped by to relieve some of the stress ...

it did help a little to have gotten a chance to write in here before I went to work!

I knew for about a month or so now that it was time to let Mark go ...

but for some DUMB reason (my weakness ... I am NOT strong when it somes to relationships at all ... I become dependant on their love and attention .... and I am a VERY VERY emotional person) I kept thinking that I could change my attitude towards him and put up with some of the stupid shit he did ...

I thought if I kept trying that eventually we could make it work ....

when underneath it all I really did know he needed to go ...

but as I said before I become attached to the fact that they are there and I want and feel as if I need their loving and attention ...

when I knew that I also can do better by myself without all this STUPID DRAMA!

I HATE DRAMA more than anything!

It makes me want to scream!

After all my crying last night and today at work ....

I feel better and better about the situation as the hours pass by!

I keep thanking god that this happened!

I know that Mark was not what I wanted or needed!

I am very blessed to have God end this disaster for me!

He was a learning experience for me and I am thankful that I was given that opportunity!

Even though I keep getting upset with myself because when Lisa and Heather first told me about him, I said that I did not want to talk to him, I had a feeling that it would not work and that I was also not ready for a relationship!

But I thought maybe I should for a change listen to what everyone else thinks since it always backfires in my face when I listen to my gut feelings, so I said I would do it ......

and here I am saying I told myself that I should have NEVER done this!

So then why did I insist on trying?

Next time I will listen to my gut feelings!

 

btw ....

Mark called me at my store today and I told him I did not want to talk about anything right then and there because it was not the time or palce he was at work and so was I!

Will he kept getting on my last nerve and I started screaming at him and we both got angry with each other and hung up the phone!

I don't think I will answer any more of his calls because he can not listen to my feelings and what I want ....

it's always what he wants and I tired of it!

So he heard my goodbye for the last time this afternoon ...

I know some of you may think that is childish of me ...

but I am sorry ...

I feel it's the best way to let go of him without it getting UGLY!

I know it will be really hard if he comes back to work at my mall ...

which he said he might be offered the store at our mall ...

and I SO hope that he doesn't ..... just because I know it will be REALLY hard to handle!

I just hope he decides not to and just goes back to college in the spring so I won't have to see him!

3 comments:

z7snowflake said...

yeah i think it would be best to just not answer his calls, I mean if its over its best to make a clean break right now.

eml625 said...

He needs to leave you alone now .  Dont answer his calls.

Be STRONG !
hugs
Ellen

therealslimemmy said...

sorry hes still bothing you
stay strong ok
ly
em