Okay okay enough is enough ...
I have a confession to make!
So before all of you get too excited from the last entry!
I MUST tell the truth!
Mark went like psycho last night!
I am so serious!
He called 40 times within a half hour!
My best friend Lisa was there and was like DAMN!
I was ready to PAY someone to take my phone!
I was so damn frustrated!
Then he left a voice mail saying how if I didn't answer he was coming to my house, I didn't answer the next calls so then he leaves another voice mail and says I'm on my way ....
kept calling on his way to my house!
Gets to my house and then leaves another voice mail and says that he is about to go knock on my door ...
I text him and told him not to knock on the door because I was not home!
he asked why he should believe me ...
i didn't answer ....
he kept calling and texting me!
I kept ignoring him ...
I was trying my hardest!
Then I walk in the door and he leaves a voice mail saying that the earrings I got him for Easter, he wanted to give them back,he was going to bring them to my store today and I text him and told him that I did not want them
they were a gift and I did not want them, he insisted on bringing them back I told him to give them to someone then, because I did not want them back!
They were his! I don't want them, they are only going to cause heartache for me seeing them in my jewelry box!
Well we text back and forth for about 2 hours!
I told him how I HATED HIM!
Because I did .... (side note: look at those words closely ... DID)
Well he finally text me his last goodbye (which btw, tore my heart out and shredded it to pieces) and then I began thinking ....
I have one last question ..... so I thought how I wanted to word it, got up and text him ...
'I just have one last question .... how could you say "Oh my god I want you so bad" and then three days later just want to be friends?'
Well he had a very good answer and it began .......
I told him how I opened up to him like no I did with no other guy, how I really tried my hardest in the beginning and gave up after I did not see any effort from him, how I think things could have worked out between us if we had communicated better!
I poured my little heart and soul out to him ...
and I did not want to show him any emotions other than I hated him ....
well it didn't work and I began crying and texting him on how much i really like him!
Then I tried calling him .... it was sending mestraight to voice mail .... I tried twice and gave up and just kept texting him ...
he asked me to call and I said I tried but I was being sent straight to voice mail, so he told me to try again and I got through and we talked ...
and talked ...
and talked ..
oh and we talked some more!
It felt like I had made a good decision!
I felt everything was right for a change!
I felt like even though I said I was going to ignore him until he left me alone, I felt like it was right to be talking to him!
I woke up this morning and it still felt right!
It still feels right as I sit here typing this!
The ONLY other person that knows about this (besides all of you now) is Lisa!
Of course she knows though .... I tell her EVERYTHING!
She never misses a thing in my life!
She has been so supportive of me ...
I swear she is my mom! (she is only 13 years older than me though, and people ask us all the time if we are mother and daughter ... she gets frustrated and I say, "I wish!" okay I'm getting off track here, sorry)
I know though that ONLY I know what is right for my heart!
I hope though that I have made the right decision!
I told Lisa though, usually whenever I make a decision about a guy (usually the endingof our relationship, or the repairing part) I am ALWAYS wrong!
I sit hours later regretting my decision ...
I wake up the next day wishing I had not done what I had ....
but this time it was different!
I DO NOT regret anything I said or did!
I don't regret saying I hate him, I don't regret pouring my heart out to him, I don't regret telling him I thought he had became an asshole 2 months ago when he got "comfortable," I don't regret calling him and fixing our relationship, I don't regret only getting 3 hours sleep because of all this last night, i don't regret A SINGLE THING!
And let me just tell you, it feels great!
I kept telling him last night how good it felt to be able to "talk" to him last night, I could say anything to him and not feel bad or scared of what he may say!
I told him I felt like we made such a great accomplishment!
I know though that we are ONLY friends .....
I hope no chick comes along ....
because there are signs that he is willing to try again for a relationship, we just agreed that we need to become closer friends before anything in the relationship field is possible!
He is going back to college in December! :)
I am so happy for him, yet sad because that is my b-day month! :(
A month after his b-day ......
and I hope by then we are more than friends ... then again I'm not sure if I could handle him being away at college with all that fresh young meat!
So yes, it will be a tough ride, but I am ready for it ....
he now knows I was serious about doing anything just to make him happy!
I stand by him, whether it hurts me or not!
So yes, things change and they sure did for me in one day!
less than that ... more like one hour!
I sure hope I made the right decision this time!
Please God all I ask is that you give me strength and daily reminders to 'just be friends' with Mark! I ask that you lead me into the right path!
I know that God has made me do this for a reason ... whether I learn a lesson from this, or he learns a lesson from it, or for me to grow relationship experience, or whatever it may be ... I am thankful that everything happened the way it did!
:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
btw, I almost forgot ... Mark and I have a "DATE" sunday night when I get off of work! HOW EXCITING? Why a date? Because we decided (okay, okay, he decided) that we need to sit down and talk about EVERYTHING! So that is what we are going to do!