Sunday, July 16, 2006

A Memory I'm Not Sure I Want To Let Go Of

Well this coming Saturday it will be a year since my dear friend Alicia has passed away!

I miss my girl very very dearly!

I wish daily for her to be here by my side!

She was an amazing friend ....

and as this time rolls around I continue to think about how I blame myself for her death!

If I would have been a better friend and visited more she would not have been her situation or at least I could have made her feel better about life ....

that way she would have not felt as low of herself as she did ...

making her kill herself!

I keep picturing her in my mind laying in her casket all beaten up from her roommate ...

that she was trying to pass off as her boyfriend ....

I KNOW better than that ...

Alicia was a lesbian and HATED men with the highest capacity EVER ....

at least when it came to relationships ....

she had many many guy friends ...

but none that she would ever date!

She was in love with my dear friend Julie ....

they were in love with each other ...

then they began fighting ....

They were not meant for each other, at least in a relationship, but could be VERY VERY close friends ...

Julie if you read this, I do not blame you at all and I do not want you to blame yourself at all for what has happened, I completely understand you leaving, it sure is a shame though that this is the ending of a fine relationship the two of you held! I know that Alicia is up there looking down saying how proud she is of you now .... you have become this grown girl that has a great head on her shoulder, not that you never did! I know I am for sure SO SO SO SO HAPPY that you stopped dancing! I think you will see a brighter future for yourself now! Your life has cleaned up a lot and I just wish Alicia was here to pat you on your back and tell you how proud she is of you, as like I said before I know she is! I miss you like crazy and hope that you come to visit us soon ......

I sure do hate the way we all grew apart!

We promised we would stay close, and we did the opposite!

I miss the crowd .....

Alicia, Jose, Tyrone, Miah, Julie, Dee, and everyone else!

I miss the late nights of just laying around talking about what the future held for all of us ....

as all of you mainly were looking at your love lives, I was looking at my work life ....

I never was one to be in a relationship!

We have plenty of memories to live off of ....

but it sure does still hurt, knowing that one of my closet friends is not here to share life with me!

ALICIA JOY STRAUSS I MISS YOU GIRL AND I LOVE YOU!

You will NEVER EVER lose your spot in my heart!

You have your own special place and no one can EVER take that away from me!

MAY YOUR SOUL REST IN PEACE!

Here is a look back to the day I first wrote about her passing and another entry not too long after!

4 comments:

therealslimemmy said...

sorry to heare about the passing of your friend
take care
<3, emily

z7snowflake said...

Im so sorry about what happened to ur friend

misscarberry said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend, she sounds wonderful.
Love Sam xXx

eml625 said...

I know you will learn to live on, but will never forget her.
I had a friend pass away when we were 16 ... it's very hard to deal with.  I know how your feeling
hugs,
Ellen